For many, the request to “look at the camera!” feels instinctive and fun. It’s just a simple, direct gaze, right? But for a significant portion of the population, fellow neurodivergent minds, this seemingly straightforward act can feel anywhere from uncomfortable to genuinely painful. It isn’t about being shy or defiant; it’s often a deeply wired response to sensory overload, social anxiety, or simply an entirely different way of processing the world. It is something that I have silently struggled with for a lifetime; oh, and I’ve been a model for almost 20yrs!
In the dynamic world of modelling, eye contact is often held up as the gold standard for engagement. It’s supposed to convey confidence, connection to the audience and effortless charisma. But what happens when a model, particularly a neurodivergent one, struggles with this fundamental expectation? Instead, I’ve always allowed my limbs and and body language to do the talking, playfully casting a soft gaze to one side of the lens, smiling or looking away entirely. But for this shoot, I was tasked to look directly at the camera, and it took my breath away to leap out of my comfort zone.
It makes sense to imagine a camera lens not as a neutral piece of equipment, but as an unblinking, intensely focused eye – the ultimate casting of judgement. Because for some neurodivergent individuals, this is precisely how it feels. The pressure to make and hold eye contact becomes more unbearable with every passing second for me, as a camera lens triggers the exact same discomfort as making very direct and uncomfortable eye contact with a person.
This act can manifest itself as sensory overload as the intense, direct focus of the lens can be overwhelming, especially when teamed with bright light. The pressure to perform and get it right bubbles away beneath the surface, leading to increased anxiety that becomes so loud that it can no longer be ignored. And for myself especially, avoiding eye contact has become a coping mechanism for processing information and managing forced social situations and interactions. The camera demands a level of directness and judgement that feels so oddly unnatural to me and has haunted me since my childhood.
I forever dreaded school photos each year, and would always have to retake them because I blinked or looked as petrified as a rabbit caught in headlights. I never posed for the camera at home no matter how sweetly relatives asked, even on special occasions, but instead looked down to the ground or shrunk into the background to not be seen or heard. And yet, here I am now, a model and influencer with a network of 5 million followers and 20yrs in the media, yet the number of headshots I’ve had taken, I could count on one hand.
Because of this feeling, neurodivergent models often look away, down, or past the lens to feel at ease; small movements and adjustments that are perfectly natural for them, but can sometimes be misinterpreted as disinterest or unprofessionalism in traditional modelling. I find it so blindingly obvious to see the way that a model moves their eyes, instantly allowing me to recognise if we share the same wonderful minds and way of thinking and feeling that others may never notice, nor consider.
Beyond the Gaze: Embracing Neurodivergent Authenticity
But here’s where the narrative shifts. In an industry increasingly hungry for authenticity and diverse representation, the traditional insistence on direct eye contact is beginning to loosen its grip. We’re now thankfully seeing a powerful counter-narrative emerge, for which the most captivating images aren’t always about a direct stare, but about genuine expression.
For a neurodivergent model, making the conscious decision to engage with the camera, despite the inherent discomfort, is not just a pose, but a profound statement. It is a bold and powerful act of embracing a challenge and converting discomfort into strength.
Choosing to meet the lens, even for a fleeting moment, is a testament to resilience and dedication. For me, it is an internal battle won, a boundary pushed, and a step towards wider social acceptance. It isn’t about masking or denying neurodivergence, but acknowledging and celebrating the effort and courage that is involved in order to achieve such tasks.
And for those beautifully natural moments when direct eye contact isn’t made, the shots can be equally, if not more, compelling. A gaze averted, a thoughtful profile, or an indirect glance can nurture a sense of deep thought and recognise the existence of an inner world, a raw and honest vulnerability and true portrayal of emotion. It also adds mystery and invites the audience to lean in and interpret how somebody uniquely experiences and interacts with the world.
In fact, some of the most striking and memorable photographs are those where the model isn’t directly engaging the viewer’s gaze, but rather inviting them into their own space. As the modelling industry continues to evolve, there’s a growing recognition that true beauty lies in diversity and not just in appearance, the same can be said for neurology. Embracing and understanding how neurodivergent individuals experience the world, including their relationship with eye contact, opens up a whole new realm of creative possibilities for photographers and models alike, which is something that I’m incredibly proud to be a part of.
I’m a soul who finds a great sense of peace and security in being immersed in nature; preferring to be away from the hustle and bustle of life, large crowds, bright lights and loud noises, to peacefully enjoy birdsong and the soothing rustling of trees besides a calm body of water. When I met Taikan, a London-based lifestyle and commercial photographer, I couldn’t wait to join him for a sunny afternoon at the park to capture light and uplifting fitness content.
Specialising in authentic brand storytelling, he is an Italian-trained natural light specialist inspired by the boundless beauty of nature, dedicated to capturing and creating pure moments of magic that transport the audience to a realm of instant enchantment. Browsing his portfolio, I loved how natural and at ease all of his models looked, but never in a million years had I thought that I would ever be able to make direct eye contact with the camera without showing a great sense of panic or fear. In all honesty, it was never a task I had considered, nor wanted to achieve, but somehow he made it possible and I’m incredibly moved by these images because of it.
The closest sensation, that I can compare the obstacle of sustaining eye contact to for me, is like learning to swim and being asked to retrieve a toy from the bottom of the pool. You know that you’re not a strong or confident swimmer, you know that you can’t breathe under water, and you know that you have to fight hard to get to the bottom to retrieve the item before you can scramble back up to the surface to breathe. The odds seem stacked against you, it’s far from pleasant and your heart is racing the entire time, but the sense of achievement afterwards is incredible. And this was my breathing under water moment.
With the warmest and most calming energy, Taikan saw my silent fear and reassured me that it would be ok, because bI didn’t have to be ruled by my discomfort. Usually I would suggest to a photographer that I might gaze off into the distance, create a silhouette against the light or strike a bold fashion pose to discreetly skirt around the subject of making direct eye contact with the camera lens. It’s not a lack of confidence or inexperience, but moreso the acknowledgement of fighting against your natural instinct, to breathe underwater. The very thought of it now makes my heart race as I subconsciously become breathless.
Celebrating partnerships with prestigious model agencies such as Premier, Models 1, Next and Storm Models, his global clientele include fashion giants such as Elle, L’ Officiel, Harper’s Bazaar and Esquire, alongside iconic brands Coca-Cola and IBM. Taikan’s ability to infuse every image with a sense of soulful allure drew me to this sink or swim moment in life and gave me the reassurance that I needed to break the third wall.
These shots, that he has so beautifully captured, mark a very triumphant moment in my life. The dreamy natural light against the softness of skin, and a gentle warmth from the summer sun accenting the timelessness of nature make this shoot so poetic and inspiring for me. My eyes are open wide, I’m no longer afraid that I’ll drown, and I am seen for the very first time for how I see the world as an individual.
I don’t see fear in these photos, but strength and happiness. The peace that I feel when I am at ease in myself, away from the camera and immersed in the freedom of nature, is the same peace that I see in each moment captured. I’m still contemplating quite how Taikan achieved this – did he drain the pool entirely of water to make it completely safe, or fill it with twice as much to inspire me to be an olympic swimmer? Either way, he has achieved in one afternoon what no photographer has mastered in almost two decades with myself as a muse and I’m incredibly humbled and in awe because of it.
The next time that you notice a person discreetly shifting their gaze, please consider the story behind their eyes and their beautiful mind. They may just be the most authentic, powerful, and wonderfully interesting person who enriches your life and brightens your day. A reminder to us all that true confidence isn’t always about meeting societal expectations, but about bravely navigating our own unique path in life, whatever that may look like.
