For many years of my life, I was forced into a stereotype of beauty that could never possibly be me. Gracing magazines and TV screens worldwide, with my peroxide blonde hair extensions, layers of fake tan, overly long nail and lash extensions, dramatic makeup, and oversized breast implants – I invested heavily in maintaining an image that I was promised would make me feel beautiful, worthy and accepted by society as a model; but somewhere along the way, I lost myself entirely.
The reflection staring back at me in the mirror just wasn’t me; she was an absolute stranger who I barely even recognised. All traces of my natural beauty and individuality had been totally buried deep down below the surface, beneath inches of makeup and weave where nobody could possibly find them. And in a way, perhaps it made me feel safe to wear such a mask, and keep my walls high in order to keep everyone around me at arms length. I didn’t love, respect or accept myself, so how could anyone else?
This delicate dance of cosmetics and aesthetics often mask a deeper dissonance within us all. A woman may meticulously sculpt her features, painting on a confident facade with expertly applied makeup, yet beneath the layers of foundation and carefully drawn lines, a whisper of insecurity deafeningly persists which is impossible to deny. The higher we build our appearance, the further that we have to fall when the layers are removed each night. Each stroke, each carefully chosen shade, becomes a form of armour to our soul, a temporary shield against perceived inadequacies, criticism and judgement which doesn’t solve the underlying problem at all, it simply leads us into yet another day of battle from the very second that we wake up. And I’m ashamed to say that I’d often sleep in makeup in the past, and reapply it throughout the night so my partner wouldn’t see me looking less than “perfect”.
The external transformation of glamour, while momentarily empowering for women, can’t possibly bridge the gap between the image that is reflected back at us in the mirror and the internal narrative of relentless unworthiness, self-doubt and insecurity in trying to become all which we are not. Beauty is a poignant paradox: as women we strive for an idealised beauty standard in order to feel the beautiful and socially accepted, while simultaneously grappling with the feeling that, even with these enhancements and tweaks, we are still not enough and never will be. Because it simply isn’t us, just as a photograph or painting of a person isn’t them.
We are also frequently reminded of our own mortality and shelf-life as women. The cruel perception of society often dictates a starkly different trajectory for women compared to men as we age. While men are granted a distinguished charm with maturity, their perceived worth and desirability only increases with age and experience, as women face a painful and very humbling decline as time passes. Female TV hosts, models, icons and politicians alike are all shamed for displaying the tell tale signs of ageing, accused of being past-it and desperate has-been’s. While men on the other hand become silver foxes, stepping out with much younger women proudly on their arm; yet if an older woman and young man were to present and parade themselves in the same way there would be uproar, calls for desperation and accusations of perverseness.
And so youth, which is really such a fleeting commodity in life, becomes a primary currency within the world of beauty and success for a woman for which we are taxed heavily. The implicit threat of replacement forever looms over our shoulder, as the next younger model is eagerly hot on our heels, waiting to cherry pick us out of our life and copy and paste themselves as a welcome replacement before our shoes have time to cool. A wife becomes an ex-wife just as easily as a dazzling host becomes a no-longer-invited and long forgotten guest. This disparity around beauty and youth between men and women creates such a profound sense of vulnerability, a feeling that our worth is not intrinsic, but rather a fragile construct dependent solely on external validation at the mercy of the relentlessly passing of time.
And one day, I just woke up to it and thought “f**k this!” One day I listened to the voice of reason deep within my gut that was shouting from the rooftops “for goodness sake, just be yourself!” In hindsight this turning point in my life came rather subtly, as more of a slow realisation that the constant upkeep and discomfort of being perpetually masked were quite frankly exhausting. Every time that I added something fake to my body, it unwittingly disconnected me from my authentic self, until one day I saw a complete stranger in the mirror staring back at me. My inner child hung her head in shame, feeling not only abandoned, but unloved and unwanted. And so I began to question: what is beauty? And who decides how we must look?
The answer, of course, is that beauty is entirely subjective, diverse and deeply personal to us all as individuals. It’s not about conforming to a narrow, often unrealistic and deeply unhealthy ideal, but more so embracing the unique tapestry of features and qualities that make you, you. So, I started stripping the fakeness back. I let my natural hair colour grow out, traded the fake tan for sun-kissed skin from actual sunshine in my garden, and learned to appreciate the subtle elegance of a natural makeup look instead of using a trowel to apply my war-paint. And whilst I recognise that returning to natural beauty is certainly a journey, not an overnight transformation, removing my lashes, nails and hair extensions during covid lockdowns made such an immediate difference to my self-esteem. I could feel myself slowly coming back to life, and as a result of my return to natural beauty, it I’ve never felt more beautiful or confident, despite growing older by the minute.
Booking in for my breast reduction surgery in the summer of 2024 as a birthday present to myself, I couldn’t stop smiling from ear to ear at the thought of correcting my past surgical choices. As millions of fans across my social media begged me not to do it, told me to be proud of my fakery and said that it really wasn’t necessary to have my bust made smaller, when I woke up from surgery and could finally see my own toes once again, I knew that I’d never look back.
No amount of money, fame or adoration could ever lead me away from my soul again, my priceless individuality and my peaceful return and homecoming to natural beauty. My heart is as lifted as my new bust. I went from insecurely competing with super models, pouting for pictures, sitting uptight, emotionless and painstakingly pristine to slouching on the grass bare-foot, playing with my children at the park in trainers and gym wear, leaving my house without makeup and live streaming with frizzy hair and chipped nails straight from the gym. Oddly enough, showing up as my true and authentic self allowed me to not only accept my imperfections, but wholeheartedly love and embrace them. I no longer have any qualms about being less than perfect, on or off of camera. The more human I am, the more alive that I feel.
And the difference that it’s made to my dating life has been incredible. As I once believed that the most beautiful woman in the room would surely have her pick of the guys; the prettier her makeup was, the longer her hair and shorter her dress, the winning combination of looks and confidence could never lose. But the reality was that men found it more than a little intimidating, yes they were looking at her in awe, but it innately triggered their insecurities, made them feel unworthy of such a woman as a wife and convinced them that she would be unfaithful due to the sheer number of men who admired her. And if they did want her, it was purely for momentary fun and not a loving and meaningful future.
With almost 20yrs in the media and public eye, I’ve had my fair share of athletes, models and celebs slipping into my DM’s asking me out for a date. Typically I’d laugh it off; as a nature-loving mother of two from a quaint little village I never quite saw myself as a footballers wife of rappers muse; but now that I’ve returned to natural beauty my inboxes are exploding with marriage proposals from celebrities instead of booty calls. One such recent encounter, I found myself questioning “why me?” when a household name asked me to be their girlfriend and I giggled at the absurdity of it. Firstly, I don’t want to ever get married or have anymore children, and secondly I prefer not to have paparazzi following me on the school run or to the gym. As a buddhist vegan, my lifestyle doesn’t align with the superficial, flavour-of-the-month, latest trends or situationships, as I much prefer authentic, trustworthy and genuine connections that celebrities seldom experience or appreciate.
But why, after taking away everything that society supposedly finds attractive, have I become such a magnet to desirable, sexy and successful men? I am arguably the most low-maintenance of my life, unpolished, unpreened and cheerfully mismatching my outfits everyday because I have far better ways to spend my time. The answers that I was given? “You give zero f**ks and it’s so refreshing!” “You’re a natural beauty” “I’m obsessed with seeing your smile” because “You’re so confident and at ease in your skin” The more that social media pushes us to strive for perfection the more stressed, unhappy and detached we all resultantly become. The sucking in the tummy, pouting, standing on tippy toes and prancing about like a peacock for likes is draining, frustrating and so inhumane. It’s only served to disconnect us from the beauty of individuality, and eventually we all crave a sense of authenticity and meaning in relationships and our social media feed; some just realise this path sooner than other.
The guys at the gym with a six pack, big muscles, tattoo, slicked back hair and gleaming white teeth literally make me roll my eyes. Each of those attributes I could individually value and respect, but when they are obtained through steroid use, when men prance about in the mirror taking selfies and spend longer getting ready in the morning than me, with the inability to have an intellectual conversation about life, my enthusiasm dries up faster than the Sahara. There is nothing more ugly than self-obsession, vanity and small-mindedness – give me a geek-chic sapiosexual anyday! I go weak at the knees for a man in a slim fit cardigan and glasses over skinny jeans and fake tan in Ibiza.
When we return to who we truly are in life, when we cherish what makes us an individual rather than following the latest fashion trend and looking like just another clone, we give ourselves the power and right to be unique. I no longer apologise for not wearing heels on a night out, because I’m wholeheartedly relieved that my bunions aren’t on fire. When I haven’t painted my nails I don’t sit on my hands to hide them with embarrassment, I pick up my wine glass and cheers the hilarity. I’m not afraid to walk in the rain for fear of ruining my makeup, nor stay out of the swimming pool to save my hair extensions from chlorine. Get me in at the deep end and let’s have a volleyball contest! I couldn’t care less if the guy off of Love Island calls me back, or if a jumped-up boxer ghosts me, because I’d never want to spend more than an hour in their inauthentic presence anyway. They’re really not my people and will never be my vibe.
Returning to natural beauty is so breathtakingly refreshing, soul-affirming and cathartic beyond belief. Every woman deserves to feel such freedom and self acceptance and I’m not afraid to sing it from the rooftops. When my return to natural beauty started, for some time I turned my back on beauty entirely. Having gone from the extremes of glamour to being entirely bare-faced, I still had to find a happy medium in order to bridge the gap between my life as a mother and my work as a media personality. As some days called for red carpets and photoshoots whilst others involved picnics and rollercoasters with my two teenagers. I wanted the ability to be both homely and glam when the time called, but to redefine glamour in my thirties, for it not to be anything like I once knew it to be.
I had to find a way to still go to the hair salon without coming away looking like a bottle blonde, to still wear lipstick without looking like a Barbie doll, and to dress for a red carpet premiere without the shock factor of exposing skin for likes and clout. At the age of 37yrs, it was time for me to reinvent the wheel of natural beauty, and to meet myself again for the very first time – and I bloody love the woman that I’ve uncovered when I gave up everything that society told me was desirable!
Working with the most fantastic team for this natural-glam transformation shoot, I love how they have created and captured the essence of natural beauty in such a sympathetic and subtly glamorous and sophisticated style, which is in stark contrast to my before pictures that are so stereotypically glam. From award-winning colour specialist Asha Flatts softening my hair colour back to my natural dark blonde, and setting it into gentle waves and curls, to celebrity makeup artist and stylist Jana Jurakova introducing jewellery and accessories as a pop of colour against such elegant makeup, featuring a flick of mascara to accentuate my eyes in such peaceful contrast to my proudly untanned skin.
Photographer Gareth Davies provided the space, guidance and lighting expertise to allow my inner beauty to shine bright, as I laughed, smiled and felt at ease in my skin in a variety of beautiful dresses and swimwear. And when I tell you that my cheeks absolutely ached by the end of the shoot, it’s an understatement; I giggled, crinkled up my nose and fed my crows feet with a huge dose of feel-good endorphins. This is me, take me as I am!
But this isn’t just my story. It’s a call to action for every woman who’s ever felt pressured to fit into an impossible mould concerning beauty. It’s a reminder that true beauty lies in our authenticity, self-acceptance and the celebration of our unique selves in whatever shape or form that takes for each and every soul on this earth. What makes you absolutely priceless and entirely irreplaceable is embracing your true and authentic self; self-love doesn’t have to be selfish, and beauty doesn’t have to be removed with a wet wipe. The sooner we love and accept ourselves, the sooner others are free and able to do the same, regardless of our age and appearance, it’s what resonates from our heart and soul and glows gloriously in our skin.
Fortunately there are many ways in which we can embrace natural beauty, and it starts with rediscovering our natural features and uniqueness. What makes your eyes truly sparkle? For me it’s being at ease in environments that I love, with people I adore. We have the choice to enhance, rather than mask our features, allowing us to highlight our best physical aspects without heavily faking and losing them entirely. Returning to our natural hair colour and texture is so incredibly cathartic; when was the last time that you looked and felt like you?
Self-obsession can be traded in for self-care, as nourishing our bodies with healthy food and regular exercise is far better than starving ourselves skinny and hating every inch of our bodies. It’s not about achieving a certain size, shape or weight, but feeling strong, vibrant and free to be ourselves as we walk our path in life. My body should be nothing like it was in my teens, as I’m a woman now and not a child. I adore my childbearing hips, the curves bestowed upon me with a bodyfat percentage that has removed me from anorexia, and the muscle definition that allows me to wear my gym gains as glistening trophies around my neck, stomach, arms, legs and shoulders alike.
We can switch the escapism of partying and parading for attention for prioritising sleep and hydration. Exchanging alcohol which drowns our sorrows in a meagre attempt to silence our insecurities for water, juice and smoothies which allow our skin to glow with a vision of health, rather than a hangover. I’ll take yoga, meditation and relaxation over drama any day, and sleep soundly at night knowing that my sheer existence doesn’t have to be in competition with, or under threat from, every other woman on this earth who dons a pair of heels or fake lashes on a Friday night.
We can also be mindful of the media that we consume and unfollow social media accounts that promote unrealistic beauty ideals and make us feel unworthy. It’s so much more rewarding and eye-opening to seek out diverse representations of beauty through art, film, and literature. We can enthusiastically engage in conversations about body positivity and challenge the notion that there’s only one way to be beautiful by living in every light and moment that makes us feel beautiful.
By practicing self-compassion we can cultivate self-acceptance, mindfully treating ourselves with the same kindness and understanding that we would offer to our best friends and children. By focusing on our strengths and accomplishments, rather than our perceived flaws, we can stand tall and proud in our abilities, mindset and life skills that run deep beneath the surface of our skin.
We can also embrace the beauty of ageing by recognising the blessing that is life, to never take a single moment for granted and recognise wrinkles and grey hair as signs of a life well-lived, a luxury that those who have lost their lives too soon may never have the privilege of experiencing. We owe it to ourselves, the generations who have walked before us, and those who are yet to inherit the earth to fall in love with individuality. We should feel passionate to find our own unique and personal style, confident in experimenting with clothing and accessories that make us feel comfortable and at ease. We deserve to nurture a style that truly reflects our personality and values, not just mimicking the latest fashion trends like mindless copy-and-paste sheep.
And finally, we can connect with our inner self by practicing mindfulness and meditation to cultivate self-awareness and inner peace. I personally love spending time in nature, which I find so grounding and restorative. I take photos of myself and loved ones having fun and making beautiful memories to cherish for a lifetime, rather than selfies showing off or posing for likes. Ask yourself the question, if this isn’t to impress others when sharing it online, and nobody ever saw it, is it still something I would actually choose to do? Or are you just trying to be like everybody else and follow the crowd in order to feel accepted or a part of something? If you can’t express your true thoughts, feelings and emotions, and be authentically yourself, perhaps you’re in the wrong place with the wrong people and lovingly stepping away from such friction will bring you one step closer to peace and self-acceptance.
It’s important to remember that embracing natural beauty is a personal journey for which there is no right or wrong way to do it. The key is to be kind to yourself, have patience in your progress and celebrate your uniqueness in order to cultivate a sense of self-confidence that comes innately from within. You are enough, just as you were born to be, and always have been. Welcome home, we’ve missed you so very dearly.
Hair stylist and colourist for the shoot, Asha, says:
“To me beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Beauty to me is simply, clean and easy low maintenance. Also, it can be a full face going out with your loved ones for a great time out. A person’s kindness, showing a little kindness and smile can make someone’s day.
I love the topic of the shoot a transition from glamour to a lower maintenance effortless beauty look. As this has been such a hot topic in the beauty and hair industry since 2020. More and more clients and moving to more low maintenance services, I.E balayage’s, Foilyage (Balayage with foils) and softer looking colour and clients are more confident in working with their natural hair colour, warmer and more neutral shades of blondes. Brunettes have become a very big topic over the last few years. Above all else hair condition is number 1 for most clients coming into the chair.
After speaking with the lovely Tracy and the wonderful make-up artist (Jana) and seeing the looks and brief, I decided to go with a Foilyage as it covers all bases for the overall look, as well as a soft facial contour, to tie the look together. For the styling aspect I wanted to do something that was as versatile as possible for a loose wave was perfect. Using a loose wave allowed me to create a ponytail used for two outfits and then a half up half down look for the final look.
The content created nailed the brief to a T. A transition to lower maintenance chic effortless beauty. If your heart is set on making a big change, do it. Do your research into the colourist/ hairdresser you want to book your appointment with. Book in a consultation to make sure both yourself and colourist/hairdresser are on the same page and wavelength. Rome wasn’t built in a day, achieving the colour you want can take multiple sessions to be prepare manage your own expectations and trust your hairdresser and trust the process.
Invest in decent quality home care products as these will keep your colour for longer in between your appointment. Remember your hair condition comes above everything.”
Hair Colour Specialist: Asha Flatts
Makeup & Styling: Jana Jurakova
Photography: Gareth Davies
