This week has been half-term and how shocking is the weather!? We’ve had storms, driving rain and winds of 80mph which has made for the perfect cosy nights in with Millie and snuggles on the sofa with blankets and nibbles whilst Gabriele was away overnight with family. It was lovely to have a little girlie night watching a comedy film and putting the world to rights. And as it’s been a bit of an up and down week between visiting family, the children being away and the weather being insane we’ve oddly been making Christmas decorations and reading Mr Men books to pass the few dreary afternoons that we’ve had at home together.
Speaking of the little nugget Gabriele, his top two incisors have cut through the gumline finally with just his bottom two to go before he has a full set. He seems to have teethed his entire life with bright red cheeks, a runny nose, upset tummy and bad nappies; but what a lovely set of pearly whites he now has to show for it. Hopefully we will be coming to the end of this toothathon shortly and I may actually start sleeping at night as of the New Year. Wow, 2014 is approaching already and it seems this past year has gone so fast, possibly because I spent the first six months of this year recovering from four surgeries and the latter four months getting over a shedload of heartache over becoming a single parent, I guess time flies when you’re having fun eh!
Emotionally I’m feeling a bit of a special case right now. The clocks have gone back an hour so it gets dark at around 5pm, which when you’re by yourself at night it makes the evenings seem very long and lonely. The joys of winter! I miss having somebody to talk to, to come home to everyday, to have an adult conversation with and to just be ‘there’ on tap really. I’m constantly having to adjust to new feelings and new obstacles and the thought of sitting by myself when the kids are in bed with just the ticking of the clock to keep me company hardly thrills me. But at the same time it also gives me a chance to unwind, to spend a little me time and to actually get off of the roller coaster that is family life. I’m getting the space to read, to blog, to watch documentaries and dare I say it, shop online!? I can see this soon becoming my downfall. But what in life can’t be made better by a bit of retail therapy!? Exactly.
And I’m really enjoying having nights off, when the children go to sleepovers and I have the chance to be young, free and single again aside from my family. Granted it is for just one night a week but I have to confess that I absolutely love it, I feel like me again. I can experiment with sexy outfits and my new body shape, walk like Bambi in my killer high heels, go for lovely meals and eat until I pop, and taste my way through the entire cocktail menu without the fear of having to rush home to make the dinner or do the nightshift with Gabriele on a few hours sleep. I’m doing things that I love to do with people that really excite me and make me feel alive. I haven’t smiled so much in such a long time and I feel so lucky to have found this point in my life. I realise now that I needed to feel sexy, to realise that I am still young-ish (at 26) and that everything doesn’t always have to be planned and scheduled and to time as sometimes the best things just happen off the cuff. I’m growing so much as a person and finding myself and my footings in life again and although it’s come as a result of such heartache, it was in hindsight the best thing for me. Now it’s just a case of balancing my two worlds together that I have to master. When the children are away I’m like a bat out of hell, and when they come home I’m structured, sensible, responsible and alone with just my thoughts at night and it’s the law of being a woman to over think. Ideally I’d hope to eventually find a happy medium in life where my single life meets my family life in a happy union of marriage and matching teacups, but then again that’s probably where it all went wrong before and I became too boring and sensible before my time. So screw that and here’s to living life whilst you’re still alive!
I’m now five weeks into the twelve week P90X training plan and I love my new body and strength. I would also like to highlight the fact of how impossible it is becoming to contain my enthusiasm over yoga. Each day I’m trying new moves and twisting and bending my body into shapes and positions that I never thought possible and it just gives me the biggest buzz to master a stance and hold a new stretch. I feel so invigorated, stimulated and in touch with my body that it’s becoming harder and harder to take a picture for my blog without it looking provocative. As I’m blogging my workout journey for the ninety day P90X routine the only way to show my progress is to take a daily picture in my underwear so that you can see the transformation of my stomach, legs, arms and shoulder muscles. The routines are so intense and sweaty that I workout in my underwear daily just to keep cool and alternate between sports bras, shorts, boxers and underwear depending on whether or not I’m doing cardio, weights or yoga each day.
I guess some of the pictures can look quite provocative in underwear but then again it’s no different to being on a beach or most nights out in town for what very little some girls call an outfit at the weekend! And the routines I do are used by millions of people of all ages, shapes and sizes across the world so I’m by no means alone in sharing my journey online with others. But it has certainly gained me a few extra followers on my social media sites and an inbox filled with interesting and flattering messages which takes me ages to work my way through but I respond to each and every one. So I look at the journey of my body blogging my progress as a mother of two as a real life account of the reality of what hard work and determination can achieve. I’m not perfect but I always put 100% into everything that I do. Yes I have my faults, flaws and body hang ups like every other girl out there, but at least I’m honest about it and share with others what it’s like to think and feel and live through these experiences. I have so many people telling me that my attitude inspires them to try harder and to be healthier and it makes me feel so proud inside to have been a part of their journey and to do something to help and encourage others. We can do anything we put our minds to, so long as we never give up, inch by inch and mile by mile you’ll eventually reach your goal and the feeling you get when you cross that finish line is completely out of this world. So if I’ve offended you by blogging pictures of me working out in my pants then I’m afraid I’m not sorry, I’m sweating, aching all over and pushing myself to my absolute limit so the last thing on my mind is which of my workout garments are in the washing machine and which ones I have on today. When I did the 63 day Insanity workout at the start of this year a girl commented on my final progress of muscles and a six pack, not to acknowledge my many hours of hard work without a single day off of training, but to slate the fact that I wore the same white sports bra everyday and by the end it had become discoloured and looked dirty from having been over-washed. Well you can’t please everyone! Especially those green eyed monsters, but it certainly gives you the strongest form of motivation to keep up the hard work. 🙂
I enjoyed a divine Indian head massage and professional makeup tutorial this week as part of my new beauty regime and it’s something that I can tick off of my bucket list as I’m rapidly gathering pace with my love of massages. To think that up until this month I’d never in my life had a massage and just like buses I’ve gone and had two within a week. I adore the feeling of loosening off tight and tense muscles and the weightlessness of your limbs directly after. Stress just melts out of me with every knead and touch and twist and I wish that I could somehow do it to myself. But instead I shall have to make a mental note to teach my knight in shining armour to greet me each evening with a bottle wine, lavender oil and scented candles, hey a girl can certainly dream!
And I felt like a pampered doll after having a lovely makeup artist teach me how best to create daytime to evening looks and get the coverage and definition that I require from cosmetics. I really have been such a lucky girl this week and had so much to smile about that it’s just reminded me to whiten my teeth!
As awful as this sounds we have totally bypassed Halloween this year and I didn’t even realise it had crept up as all three of us ended up in different places. Gabriele went to his grandparents, Millie went to her father and I went to the cinema! The excitement of October is always busy in the Kiss house what with our birthdays falling just a week apart and it seems like this past month has been one thing after another and I’ve totally lost track of time. I knew that it was coming up in so many weeks, days, hours etc. but I didn’t realise it was now! I forgot to get a pumpkin, so we won’t have our annual soup or carving day, we didn’t dress up or spookify the house and as Millie was on her best behaviour after a bit of a naughty stint she didn’t go trick or treating but instead worked on some maths books at a sleepover with her father. So this is how our life has become, my children and I pulled in three different directions and for the first time in the history of forever we missed out on a celebration.
Is it a sign of the times? Are there more socially acceptable broken families now than ever? Or is it simply down to todays generation being full of immature morons feeling hard done by, living irresponsibly and being utterly self-obsessed that they can’t stand to raise the children that they so easily and carelessly make? I feel sorry for the little ones involved, having such poor role models in the parents of today, thinking it’s normal to watch their absent parent partying themselves into an early grave and having not a care in the world. What kind of an example does this set for future generations and how will this cycle ever be broken? I wish I could take every absent parent into a giant hall and show them their child’s face, make them hear their cries and see their tears as well as their smiles and cuddles and love, just open your eyes and realise this precious little soul that you have created. It’s not about chucking money at them once a week or having their face as a screen saver on your phone; it’s about being there for them when they need you, giving them your time, your attention and your unconditional love, it costs nothing. Children come first in life, not our own needs, not our tiredness or hunger but theirs, and sadly so many ‘adults’ are incredibly incapable of thinking about anyone but themselves. All I ever wanted in life was a loving family and a happy home and now my babies and I are pulled in every different direction through no fault of their own and I find myself living the most exciting moments and memories away from my children and it’s sad but my reality now. I would never be able to walk away from my babies, I would die for them and I cherish every minute that I have them with me. I will always feel sick and disappointed in those who walk away from their young, but it’s the ones who stand and pick up the pieces who flourish in the end. We get the unconditional love, we get the smiles and the proud moments and priceless memories. And for the rest of our days we will always have our babies that at no matter what age will look up to us as somebody to turn to, and I’d rather have that than the alternative.
To all of the single parents out there, stay strong, keep your heart warm and count your blessings. You’re doing an amazing job and it will get easier with every day that passes. Thank fuck the world has people like us! X
2 CommentsLeave a comment
I think those last two paragraphs just about sum it up. Keep smiling lady 🙂 x
Don’t they just! Thank you I shall 🙂