Hello crazy week, what a time it’s been and I haven’t stopped smiling 🙂 A couple of days ago I had a fun radio interview for Knot FM in Stoke with Darren Yates aka Cheeky Daz.
We spoke about about how I went from being a bullied school geek, to a model, mother and TV personality and how I now love blogging and sharing my journey and experiences with the world. It was great fun to chat on air and reach out to listeners and show them that beauty and soul come from within, and you can use negative experiences in life to become a stronger better person.
I had a bit of an impulse buy last week when I drove past a Mercedes for sale on my way home in the evening, knocked on the vendors door and bought it – in cash! I’m a money squirrel, always putting bits away into savings with a logical mindset of keeping a contingency for a rainy day. But I literally had to prize my tongue off of the windscreen of my gorgeous Mercedes Kompressor and threw caution to the wind as well as my savings account as I drove my new six-speed supercharged baby home. Very practical I know!
The way I see changing my five-door family-wagon for a two door sports car is that I’ve had my babies now and they’ll only grow older and become easier to transport from now on. Gabriele will be out of his pushchair soon enough, and I still have five seats in the car for child seats and nappy bags, or bringing an extra school friend home for tea. So really it’s perfectly suitable for my new post-surgery life! 🙂
And what would be the most practical purchase following my new car and doubled insurance rates? A personal numberplate of course! Ha! Is this a midlife crisis at the age of twenty-five or what? And as you can see I went for the subtle title of “Miss Kiss” and I bloody love it! I rarely get anything for myself so it was just the treat that I needed and I can safely say it’s given me a massive three-day face ache from how much I’ve been smiling. I have to remind myself sometimes that I’m not just a mother, but a hard-working, determined and deserving woman who needs the occasional recognition for the good that she does; did I just speak about myself in third person!? Oh dear, let’s end that here before a blunt stick finds it’s way somewhere dark and there’s no turning back.
So following my metallic and numerical spend-up I returned home and did what any normal female would do on her period, ransacked my wardrobe and gave away six giant bags of my clothes; and it was insanely refreshing. I realised I had things in there since I was a teenager, but now as a mother of two and the driver of a Mercedes a clear-out was long overdue, and I have to up my fashion game to match my new lifestyle. No more baggy jumpers and leggings, it’s all pain and no gain from now on! Girl reinvented right here. God help Luca!
I was absolutely over the moon and humbled when our beautiful little Gabriele took his first steps this week. With his cheeky chubby legs and locked knees he hobbled four steps completely unaided across the kitchen floor to the applause of the entire family and it was magical. Our baby boy, his first birthday and now his first steps, I’d best book his driving lessons for next week at this rate.
And Gabriele has also started to feed himself his milk at night, he holds his bottle, drains it dry before standing it up, putting the lid on which is his latest obsession, and then crawling off for either the stairs, Millie’s bunk bed ladder or our glass coffee table which he mounted for the first time this weekend. He isn’t our newborn anymore, he’s our cheeky nugget who can stand and climb and speak, how fast it’s all gone.
I’ve recently accepted, 100% set in stone and clear as crystal that I will never again have a baby and it’s both sad yet grounding at the same time. I never knew I wanted to become a mother in life until I fell pregnant as a single teen with Millie. She changed my life for the better and made me the caring person I am today. Having Gabriele was the missing puzzle piece to our family and I love my children more than anything in the world, even my new car. But I confess that after having Gabriele I believed it wouldn’t be the last time I would carry a child, I could have had another, my heart could swell that little bit more and my arms could reach even wider. But after all of my pregnancy hormones resettled and the sleepless nights finally came close to an end one year after Gabriele was born, I now see motherhood in a different way.
I will always put my children first over everything in life, but for my relationship with Luca it was right to stop at two children and not have a third. Having a baby at any age, after however many years into a relationship puts an incredible strain on you both and some people never recover from the difference it brings. The tiredness, the stress, the never ending worry and financial strain, let alone the emotional difference it makes are all desiccating factors in their own right. Life is, and never again will be the same as before having children. Fact. Not only have we both aged and matured since first becoming parents, but we’ve adjusted the heirachy of our lives and adapted as people in our own right. Parenthood changes people, it’s the lithium paper of life, exposing you as acid or alkaline, heartless or heartfelt. And as much as we both love having a family, it highlighted the little amount of quality alone time that Luca and I get together and how we now have to consciously make an effort to snatch peaceful minutes together before collapsing in bed together at 2am every night or we will risk become passing ships on an enormous ocean.
A year ago I would have gladly welcomed my third pregnancy with open arms, and today I wrap those arms around my fiance, two children and sportscar instead and thank my lucky stars for how fortunate I am to have such a wonderful and happy family. Life isn’t about perfection, it’s about compromise, adapting and adjusting to changing times and circumstances, and the sooner you accept it, the easier it is to smile.
Millie is actually counting down the days until she breaks up for half term at the end of this week, not because of her time off of school and homework, but for the HOTDOGS she’ll have for lunch on her final day. Yes, you did read that right, hotdogs in a bun with tomato sauce. Err! Millie’s school have been selling hotdogs to the children every final day of term this past year as a novel way of raising funds for the school and it’s a lovely treat for the children, but totally stomach churning for me as a vegetarian, hotdogs are so rubbery and springy, like an NHS prosthetic that’s gone wrong.
Millie now brings two story books home each week as reading homework from school and her ability to tackle new words is inspiring. I love watching her grow and change and adapt, and after spending this past month recovering from my breast surgery I haven’t been as involved in Millie’s daily routine as I’d have liked to be but I’m now back on track and fighting fit so the rules come back to play and it’s a tight ship in the Kiss house once more!
Speaking about my breast surgery, I’m healing perfectly and have removed my steri-strips after they peeled up when I was in the shower. So now I have nothing over my scars, just my surgery bra to hold them on and they feel good. They no longer hurt, they’re no longer swollen and the sensation has returned and the bruising completely gone. I love my new breasts and can’t wait to have them measured and wear a normal bra again, I’ll be speaking with my surgeon soon and will hopefully have a final healing date in the not so distant future.
Earlier in the week I filmed at the Sky Studios in London’s Waterloo for Lee Mack’s new show where I took part in a feature task. I had a fantastic time, laughed the entire day and met some amazing people. It was great to be back in the studio and on camera again and I look forward to seeing it on air in the next coming month. There was a huge chair made of skulls and swords in the studio which I couldn’t resist getting a picture with, as it’s from the show Game Of Thrones and would look incredible in my hallway, if only it fit on the underground!
So this coming week I have my second eyeliner tattoo appointment and will hopefully sell my old car. It’s been a bit of a headache so far as I put my old car up for sale two days ago and so far people love the car, see the price, moan about my bottom margin and ask for something cheaper. Since when did the world become full of unappreciative penny-pinching scroungers? You can’t walk into a jewellery store and expect gold for the price of tin. My car isn’t anything special, but it’s worth what it’s worth and underpriced by £600 for the sake of achieving a quick sale and still people expect more for less? Perhaps I’ve been naive in not buying my new Mercedes for 50p! How ridiculous.