There is a specific kind of magic that happens the moment that you become a mother. It’s as if your heart suddenly expands past the boundaries of your own body to live within another person. We talk often about the unconditional love that flows through every fibre of our being, a love that is so fierce that it almost feels like a superpower. But this unconditional love for a child can sadly come at the cost of removing all love towards ourselves as mothers.
In the midst of the sleepless nights, the constant giving, and the beautiful chaos of raising little humans, a quiet yet utterly life changing thing happens, the woman who existed before the title of Mummy begins to fade into the background.
Being a single parent to two under-five’s, I didn’t sleep for almost a decade. My only and every concern was the welfare of my children, and I went from it being my life to ours and theirs in a heartbeat. It took me many years to find myself again, to rebuild my identity, womanhood and self esteem after turning all of my love, time and attention entirely outwards for so long. And so today, it is time to relink the chain between your identity as a mother and your essence as a woman.
Honouring Our Bodies As Mothers
Our bodies have done the impossible; a bridge between worlds, a sanctuary and source of life. Whether you find yourself rocking tiger stripes, softer curves, or a body that feels unfamiliar after breastfeeding, there is zero room for shame here. Our pregnancy scars are our strength, physical evidence of our capacity to create life.
Our softness is an invitation and testament to the nurturing power that we hold. And our bodies are not ruined, they’ve simply evolved. True peace came for me when I stopped looking at my post-pregnancy body as a project to be fixed and started seeing it as a temple to be celebrated. As mothers we deserve to feel sexy, confident and radiant once again, not in spite of motherhood, but because of the depth and power that it has added to our spirit.
Finding Our Inner Fire
Motherhood is a beautiful amplification of life, not a cancellation of our desires. Surrendering entirely to the service of others might feel like the noble path to take, but a fire cannot burn without oxygen. To be the best version of ourselves, for our children and for you, we must prioritise our own heat. Choosing to love ourselves after having babies isn’t an act of parental desertion, but the growth of restoration.
Mumma’s, is time to make our intimate needs and self-love a priority once again. And that all starts with reclaiming our sensuality and dressing in lingerie and clothing which makes us feel electric. We deserve to reconnect with our skin. We are entitled to pleasure, sensuality and joy.
And after devoting years, if not decades of our undivided attention to our families at the cost of sacrificing our identity, we must learn that it’s ok to say “no” to the rest of the world again, so that we can finally say “yes” to our own rest, our own hobbies and our own peace in life.
One of the biggest steps that I took when reclaiming self-love, was to audit my inner dialogue and remind myself that if I wouldn’t say it to my own daughter, then I shouldn’t say it to myself in the mirror. It’s all too easy to see our physical faults and flaws so obviously, forever criticising our skin, weight and appearance, but the reality is that we praise the exact same things in others, whilst chastising ourselves for it. Everybody is, and can once again feel, beautiful.
When we as mothers find our inner fire, we teach our children what it looks like to be a whole, vibrant human being. Not lacking, not damaged, ashamed or a shell of our former selves. We show them that love is not about emptying your cup until you are dry, but letting your cup overflow because you have kept yourself full.
We are more than just caregivers. We are a force of nature. We are allowed to be soft and fierce, selfless and desiring, a mother and a woman of unyielding fire. So ladies, wear your confidence like a crown, treat yourself to new lingerie, buy the dress, rock the heels, put on your lipstick, because you’ve more than earned it.
