In our increasingly digital age, the line between reality and the carefully curated online persona is undoubtedly blurring. Social media filters, face-tuning apps, and photo editing tools bombard online users with instant fixes for our most deepest insecurities and body hang-up’s; a tirelessly tempting allure to enhance our appearance and project a more perfect and polished image of our reality, targeting the void in spaces where we feel that we are physically lacking in reality.

I have very few pictures from my childhood, mostly because I was too shy and didn’t ever find it a positive or comfortable experience having my photo taken, but also because I didn’t feel worthy of being on camera. I was very much a shy wallflower who left photo-taking to the confident and loud people around me. So I became the one who took the pictures of everybody else, as is the case for me now as a mother. I have hundreds of thousands of photos of my children and magical memories, but rarely of myself within the family photos. This has naturally led me to question what has prevented or removed our desire to be on camera, and I came to the conclusion that judgement from others plays a huge part.

Within my parents generation I began to notice a trend that they wouldn’t volunteer to have everyday photos snapped on a phone – standing beside a tree at the park, holding a grandchild on their knee or simply marking a nice moment. They’d quip “don’t get me in it!” because if it wasn’t a formal birthday celebration, Christmas or wedding there there wasn’t a valid reason for them to take a photo; whereas my teenage children easily take at least several several selfies a week to send to their friends for apparently no purpose other than continuing a streak of sending selfies each day. How times, and social behaviours, change!

I did, however, notice that my parents were far more welcoming to have their photo taken if their appearance was in some way altered. Whether it was a filter that adds dog ears and a tongue, to a skin smoothing filter with a flower crown and butterflies across the background; so long as they didn’t look like their actual selves they were happy to participate and pull silly faces and smile. Upon questioning this reasoning, my mother simply explained that “I don’t look tidy enough to have my photo taken” when she looked exactly the same as she does everyday anyway, just perfectly herself. But when filters can slim your face, add makeup, give you long eyelashes, tan your skin and whiten your teeth, it’s easy to see why even the most nervous selfie takers can feel a little more at ease.

I’m therefore grateful to have a camera roll of silly pictures of my parents filtered to look like animals, babies or incredibly glamourous super stars, because the alternative would quite honestly be to have no photos of them at all. However, as we navigate this virtual landscape of physical alterations, it’s crucial to consider the potential consequences that this can have on our mental health, self-esteem and face to face relationships.

The Allure Of The Filtered Self

The appeal of digital alterations to all age ranges is undeniable. In the touch of a button, filters can smooth imperfections, enhance features, and create a seemingly flawless facade. Face-tuning apps offer the promise of sculpting our appearance to meet unrealistic beauty standards so that everyday people can feel what it’s like to be a supermodel or Hollywood A-lister minus the gym membership, surgery and expensive lifestyle. This curated image can boost confidence in the short term, allowing us to present a version of ourselves that we feel far more comfortable with and in turn appeals to others to encourage compliments, adoration and attention online.

The Mental Health Toll

While the immediate gratification of digital enhancements may be tempting, the long-term effects on mental health can be quite detrimental. Constant exposure to unrealistic beauty standards perpetuated by filtered images can ultimately lead to body dysmorphia – a mental health condition where individuals become obsessed with perceived flaws in their appearance. This can in time serve to erode self-esteem, leading to heightened anxiety, depression, and a negative body image which fuels the cycle of filtering and retouching our reality.

Furthermore, the pressure to maintain a carefully crafted online persona can create a sense of inadequacy and isolation with many social media stars and celebrities falling into crippling debt and over-doing aesthetic and surgical enhancements to alter their appearances to the point that they become unrecognisable and live pay check to pay check to maintain a champagne lifestyle on a lemonade budget. When our real-life interactions don’t match the idealised image that we project online, it can fuel feelings of shame and self-doubt which only worsens insecurities and vunerability.

Authenticity And Connection

The rise of digital alterations raises questions about authenticity and connection in our face to face reality. Whenever we present a filtered version of ourselves online, we risk obscuring our true identity and hindering genuine connections with others who then fail to feel enthusiasm and chemistry when presented with the reality. Had we never set ourselves up to fail by using filters, perhaps we wouldn’t make space for the disappointment, or feeling misled by the appearance of others. While it’s natural to want to put our best foot forward in life, it’s equally important to strike a balance between self-improvement and self-acceptance. Everything in moderation.

Embracing our imperfections and sharing our authentic selves can therefore help to foster deeper connections with others. By being truly vulnerable and transparent about our insecurities and personal preferences surrounding beauty, we can instead create a space for empathy, understanding, and more genuine and fulfilling relationships. If only I had a penny for every time that people have said to me “you actually look like your pictures!” I’d be a very rich person. It’s almost as if people have become doubtful and dubious about others looking the same in real life as they do in online, and see sharing filtered images and playful messaging online as a way to confidently portray themselves in the very best light in order to get a foot in the door.

This is followed by a lot of unnecessarily hard work to correct the inconsistencies, convincing and apologising when they show up in person with a noticeably different physical and emotional connection. At this point a person has the chance to be themselves, or once again paint themselves in the best light and maintain the bravado of an altered reality which is ultimately unsustainable with time, hence why friendships, relationships and employment is so temporary, disposable and fast-paced in modern society. It seems that everybody over promises and under-delivers because it’s a battle just to get noticed, let alone succeed.

A Call For Digital Responsibility

As individuals, we all have a responsibility to use digital tools mindfully and critically. It’s important to be aware of the potential impact of filters and editing tools on our mental health and self-perception, as well as the impression that it will have on others. Whether you have ten followers or ten million, whether you influence your niece, nephew and neighbours or can fill multiple stadiums, every soul is important and deserves to love and accept themselves. We can promote a more positive and inclusive online environment by:

• Practicing self-compassion: Be kind to yourself and acknowledge your unique beauty rather than hiding it or airbrushing it out.
• Challenging unrealistic beauty standards: Let’s encourage diversity and celebrate individuality, stepping away from following the trends or trying to look like the most desirable celebrity of the season.
• Promoting digital literacy: We can educate ourselves and others about the potential harms of excessive editing and filtering and share kindness and positivity to those around us, reassuring them that showing up as themselves and their true appearance is what’s beautiful.
• Prioritising real-life connections: We should all be mindful to spend time with loved ones face to face and engage in activities that nurture our wellbeing away from screens and devices.

Michael Dayo For YLA Creatives: A Festive Photoshoot Before & After Editing

Having modelled since the age of 18yrs, I’ve had the honour of working with such incrediblly artistic and iconic professionals over the years, with Michael Dayo of YLA Creatives being such a dear friend and artist.

Rocking up in a tracksuit, windswept from the rain with pale winter skin and chipped nails, I adore the transformation of having my hair and makeup taken care of, my outfits beautifully styled beneath the studio lights, and Michael’s guidance to bring out my very best angles and most flattering features as an individual. If I’ve got a bruise from the gym, stretch marks on show or loose skin I know that I needn’t worry, as he’s just as hot with his editing software as he is with his camera lens, and his post-production skills make his work instantly iconic and world renowned.

Michael says: “It’s not an easy task during post-production, and it’s not a case of wanting to spend so much time on each photo, but it is an essential process of the artist when defining their skills. As such, the end product can look entirely different from any other photographers work;. Just as Picasso will paint differently to those who prefer pencil strokes on a canvas, you instantly know that it’s Picasso.”

“We include post-production in our photography to define our unique style and that’s what our customers are exclusively getting. Of course, you do not need to be altered to be beautiful, and we’re not saying that this is the way that every woman should look, it is simply defining our own style.”

And I absolutely agree, whenever I see Michael’s work online I instantly think “I bet that’s his!” before I’ve spotted his tag. The work that he creates is jaw-dropping, eye-catching and undoubtedly memorable both within the industry and beyond and these photos truly speak for themselves. My life as a Buddhist now in my thirties, after having left the glamour industry, has led me to a point where I haven’t used filters or photoshopping for years and I personally feel far happier and healthier without it. But can these two worlds compliment or contrast one another? I popped across for a shoot with Michael to find out…

The compromise to the Filtered Vs. Unfiltered debate was therefore naturally going to be the act of sharing before and after photos which Michael has very kindly provided me with. Essentially, showing his work straight off of the camera before the entire post-production process, and I have to say that I absolutely adore the pictures with and without editing. Yes, I have my hair and makeup beautifully preened, I’m wearing heels and beautiful lingerie and swimwear in a carefully curated studio set, posing with professional lighting and the artistry of a world renowned photographer rather than taking a selfie in my slippers whilst making a cup of tea.

Stepping away from the content itself, could the way that its delivered as a final piece be any more or less socially acceptable? To filter or not to filter, that is the question!

Ultimately, I wanted to consider the existence, importance and ramifications of, as well as question the future of altering images, for use online or simply sharing with your friends and family to make a loved one smile on a wet weekend. And this journey has led me to reflect upon so many aspects of imagery as a mother of two who has had plastic surgery and aesthetic procedures which are effectively a more permanent filter to wear in face to face reality.

I can certainly reassure you that no amount of compliments and adoration -even as a model- can make you feel beautiful if you don’t first learn to love and accept yourself. I know that when I’m in a nursing home one day, looking back at my youth and these lingerie pictures here, I shall undoubtedly smile over such a fond memory and be proud that I had the confidence to actually do this. And I hope from the bottom of my heart that everybody feel worthy, beautiful and deserving of capturing themselves on camera to look back upon in future.

If we spend a lifetime wishing we were younger, taller, more beautiful or desirable we will one day find ourselves very old, unhappy and severely regretting losing the opportunity and experience of our youth for fear of how others may have judged us. The reality is that nobody cares as much about our insecurities or body hang up’s as we do ourselves, in fact many may never notice the things that we fret about and lose sleep over. Nobody is perfect, nor are we required to be. So live, let live and have fun before this beautiful journey of life is over.

I know that the way that I choose to present myself online, without a filter at the age of 37yrs, should not prevent me from feeling love and kindness towards other men, women or children on my feed who take comfort in sharing altered images of themselves, rather than no images at all. I’m thankful for the silly and playful butterfly, dog and pickle filters which have given me hundreds of images of my dear parents that would have otherwise faded from my memory in time.

I’m incredibly supportive of those who find the courage to attend a photoshoot or face daily judgement and criticism for their appearance due to unrealistic beauty standards within society. Michael gives people the gift of looking incredible, no matter their insecurities, they have the ability to shine with his magic. And sadly at one point or another, we will all feel judged upon our appearance, which is ultimately down to us as individuals to love and accept ourselves, to show up looking and dressing however we feel most happy, regardless of what the rest of the world is doing or when.

The more that we shine bright as ourselves, as individuals in this world, the more fruitful our path will be. Together, as billions of souls we have created such a rich tapestry of life which would not exist in a world filled with clones and false identities. Whether you rock a no makeup selfie, go all out glam by 9am for the office, or rely on a cheeky filter to take away the tiredness of your day and add a little sparkle, please be mindful to do everything in moderation. For as heavily as you choose to alter your images online and reach for the stars of what is achievable in beauty, your roots must reach and anchor you just as deep to your true reality in order to provide a firm foundation and genuine connections.

I asked my followers on social media to compare three versions of the very same image taken by Michael, showing the straight-from-the-camera before, a middle-ground contrasted light and blemish removal version, and finally a fully airbrushed pristine after picture to gauge what is most socially acceptable. The result? 47% liked my before photo, 31% liked Michael’s final touches and 22% liked the blemishes removed and light balanced. I’m not sure if I was expecting a 99% vs 1% kind of result, but it’s certainly fairly evenly split here which goes to show that beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it’s entirely down to personal preference of which we have no control over others, only ourselves.

By navigating the digital landscape with awareness and good intention, we can harness the power of technology to enhance our lives without compromising our mental health or authenticity in doing so. Let us mindfully strive for a world where we embrace our imperfections and celebrate our individuality, both online and offline without denying ourselves the chance and opportunity to feel fantastic. Each to their own x

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