Well well well… guess who’s happy today! ME! Why’s that you might ask? Because I’ve only gone and lost 8lbs this week! EIGHT POUNDS! That’s almost the exact weight of Gabriele when he was born almost two months ago, taking my grand total weight loss to 38lbs in not quite 8wks. Wow. When I look at it like that I feel so much better about myself, although I still have 4lbs left to shift to break even for when I fell pregnant or 11lbs if I want to be back to my normal size before being greedy; but I’m not sure I’ll ever get back to my lowest weight because I’m that little bit older now and have two children so I don’t have age or muscle capability on my side right now! But ahhh I’m just happy.
It’s not come without a struggle though, and after putting on weight last week and finding the last pounds so hard to shift I had to be strict on myself. What’s the point of eating healthy food all week and working out, then letting yourself off for one day at the weekend to eat normally and undoing the last five days of hard work and seeing no change in weight because of it? You wouldn’t work hard all week at a job and be happy to only get paid for one day out of five would you? I realise I can’t and don’t want to have a day off, because I’m far happier eating healthily and smiling everyday than fighting a never ending battle of controlling my weight and binging one day and then living on salad the next to make up for it. I don’t want to have to compensate or play catch up, I want everyday to be a great day where I have lots of energy, I’m healthy and can think and function properly, and I can eat food that I love. So I won’t go back to the junk, and this time it’s for certain, I never used to eat anything unhealthy when I was a teenager and I’d kill to have the figure back that I had then because in my eyes looking back my body was perfect, although I never seemed happy with it. But it’s only years down the line when age and children have changed your body that you realise how lucky you were to be in such shape and have such flawless skin, if only I’d appreciated it then instead of always wanting better.
But now I have accepted the ways in which my body has changed, I acknowledge my stretch marks as a sign of the children that I have been blessed with, the lines in my forehead for the stress and challenges I have faced and the better person I have become because of it, and the cellulite I get at the top of my thighs when I sit down in short shorts as I’ve grown from a child to a woman. I don’t want to change myself, because that’s what makes me me, but I’ll do all that I can to make the best of the hand I’ve been dealt in life and in my own skin. Nobody should live in the past or regress to better times, because that’s a time that you will never get back and what really matters is right here and right now and the steps we can take to better ourselves and set strong foundations for the rest of our lives. We’ll only ever get old, softer and saggier so why not make the most of today whilst it’s still here.
People don’t get rich by wasting their money, the house doesn’t get cleaned if nobody does the housework, and people don’t put on weight if they’re sensible with what they eat. For my sanity and the sake of my children now and in the future I owe it to us all to make my family healthy, to prolong our lives and avoid unnecessary illness. I don’t want my babies to come home from school crying because they’re overweight, or feeling like they’re going to throw up because they’re too unhealthy to run and can’t breathe. They don’t need a mother who’s always unhappy with her body because it’ll ingrain in their minds and make them hate their skin their whole life too, and for what? I have this time now to rewrite history almost and give my children the confidence that I never had in myself. Not in an arrogant or unrealistic way, but honest, forgiving and accepting. They deserve to grow up in a home where junk food, treats and snacks aren’t an everyday experience or reward; they shouldn’t want to have fast food or stodge and slops because it’s no way to start out in life and can only get worse. I want them to be a picture of health, filled with energy and nutrients to grow big and strong and have the get up and go to achieve their dreams, instead of these lazy, pasty, spotty, flabby, unenergetic children that we sadly see all around us. Generations before people were so fit, they walked and cycled everywhere, gyms hardly existed, fast food was barely heard of, people were healthy and mobile and lived to an incredible age. But I look at the slobs people have become in my generation, the bellies that hang over jeans and have become acceptable, everybody carrying a spare tyre of weight and always wanting to be slimmer but never achieving it or doing anything to help themselves. We’ve become a nation of lazy, greedy slobs and it’s sickening and self-destructive and no example to set for our children. I want to be around for my children for as long as humanly possible, to see them grow up, marrying and have a family of their own, and not be in a box in the ground at 60yrs of age because I couldn’t say no to junk.
So if it means never eating bread again, I’ll do it. Because I know in myself I can’t just have a little of what I fancy because I take one step forward in being good and even the tiniest binge sends me two steps backwards. It’s like quitting smoking, you can’t give it up but still smoke every now and then because inside you’re allowing yourself to maintain your addiction and it will only destroy you in the long run. Obsession and craving is a disease that we must fight and not fall victim to, no more excuses, no easy way out; cut it off and let it go. I’m a changed person and I’m doing this for the sake of my children, my grandchildren, my great grandchildren and their great grandchildren. I never want to see anybody I love suffering later in life because of excess weight and a poor diet, the buck stops here and this negative self-destructive lifestyle will not pass to the next generation.
We must set an example and not blame the world for what we have the power to change. I’ll put on my wedges and kick my own arse, drive myself to achieve my dreams and never give up, for my own sake and that of the tiny lives which have not yet being created who I hope will one day look me up on their family tree with fondness and admiration instead of a faceless nobody who left no footprints on this earth.
Well, 80′s power talk over, not sure where all of that suddenly came from, I feel like I should be wearing shoulder pads and bold red lipstick! Onwards and upwards and chuck out the custard x x x