Age: 6months & 4days

So tomorrow is Luca’s 29th birthday and I’ve been a busy little housewife and baked him an amazing cake – even if I do say so myself, please excuse me whilst I blow this little trumpet that I have in my hand and allow my head to swell through pure pride! So I’d initially wanted to get my own back on Luca for his birthday trickery on me last week when he took me wake-boarding knowing that I’m petrified of water and the fact that I refuse to take out life insurance because of the incentive it might give him to knock me off one day – trust me I read women’s magazines and stranger things have happened!

But I actually think that far from being a revenge cake, a lot of love, time and hard work on my behalf have gone into making this fabulous penis as a symbol of my love for him. And should Luca decide to bake me a vagina cake for my birthday next year, well, I’d feel extremely loved and appreciated! 🙂

When I stopped off at the shop earlier I picked up some of Luca’s favourite cheeses to go with some fruit and mulled wine tonight when he gets in from work; it could have been several months or years even when we had the most amazing night eating a cheese board and watching films on the sofa with a glass of wine and I wanted to capture the moment again as a nice surprise tonight. I feel like such a sentimental old bear as I write this, smiling whilst I picture Luca’s face saying “Trace! You got the cheeses!” And as I sliced them up and nibbled on some herby crackers I felt a little love pang in my heart.

Despite the fact that we argue over silly little things, have no problem with peeing with the door open or breaking wind in bed, it’s lovely when you suddenly feel the magic of love and realise how much somebody means to you. And Luca really does complete me in such a way that I could laugh and cry at the same time, through happiness, fondness and cheekiness!

And it was another really amazing and breathtaking moment the other day when we were driving home just as the sun was setting and the sky cast a beautiful show of pinks, purples and golden orange lights across the countryside. I love nature and the wonders and beauty of the world around us, and seeing something so perfect and peaceful really set a fire in my soul. It made me think of how precious life is and how much we should appreciate the things around us, the simple gift of sight to have seen such wonders, the ability to walk, see, speak and hear, or the fact that we even exist on this earth in the first place. What lottery must we have entered and won to be so fortunate to be here today, to be alive and healthy and happy? It really is mind blowing to think.

And it also pulls the children into my mind, to think that somehow as humans we have this amazing, precious and priceless gift to be able to create life. To make a baby and bring it into this world, to love, learn and grow a beautiful soul with understanding and acts of kindness; It’s truly phenomenal to think and so very humbling.

And right now I’m feeling very mushy and lovey dovey and happy like a big smiling nodding dog, oh yes! I had a letter through yesterday about booking a cervical smear now that I am twenty-five and in the age range, how delightful. And I’ve used the opportunity to roll it into an appointment to also address a few health issues that I really can’t ignore any longer. You know when you’re a parent, and just the word ‘parent’ alone makes every bone in your body ache and your face age ten years? Well since having Gabriele I’ve been feeling like a right parent and accepted feeling weak and tired on a daily basis as the norm now. And I guess it would have been the norm if I hadn’t started losing feeling in my fingers, my lips turning blue despite my body feeling very warm and my heart randomly tightening and stopping me from breathing or moving for seconds if not minutes at a time. My periods absolutely crush me now and drain me down to feeling as weak and small as a grain of sand and I have no idea what my hormones are doing to the whole situation physically and emotionally. I’m aware that I have high levels of the Pro-Lactin hormone anyway, which caused my doctor to suggest that I might have had a brain tumour just before I had Millie, and quite frankly it’s a case of anything they can do to help being extremely welcomed right now. So I’m -oddly- hoping they will take a blood test after my smear and check everything is ok and also that my heart isn’t broken, even if they just show me cute pictures of kittens in a pile of petals just to make sure it’s still there!

And if they tell me it’s just old age now that I am a quarter of a century I will laugh my way to the pub to drown my sorrows before investing in robotic technology to build myself some new limbs and organs!