So last night there was no change in circumstances, no bleeding, no noticeable contractions, and definitely no baby accidentally popping out! We had our appointment booked at the hospital for this afternoon, which was arranged yesterday for the second steroid injection to be given and arrived cheerfully at the hospital with a few minutes to spare.
Today we were greeted by a bit of a bulldog-chewing-on-a-wasp nurse who obviously wasn’t having a very good day and she bluntly snapped at us to provide a urine sample. Despite being booked in for our appointment and the hospital being empty it took her 45mins to eventually see us as we waited alone in an empty waiting room. She ushered us to a grotty store-cupboard room with her needle on a cardboard tray and began reading my maternity notes and asking me questions but ignoring my answers and unbelievably talking over every response I gave, before telling us that she was going next door to read all of the notes through.
Several minutes later she returned seemingly none the wiser and asked me to bare my leg ready for the dreaded steroid injection. I gritted my teeth and imagined delivering several kung fu moves to her person and surprisingly it made it all the more easy to deal with the discomfort this time. She swiftly put her needle away and stood up ready to bolt out of the room and I asked her if she still needed to check my urine sample, but to our surprise she said no and just threw it into the bin in front of us! I raised the issue of the contractions from yesterday and not knowing if I was still having them as I had no feeling, and she stared blankly at me as if I had asked her if pigs could fly. She didn’t check the baby at all, nor my urine or blood pressure, she didn’t follow up any of the concerns from the following day so far as the tenderness or contractions, and when I asked her if it was safe to drive and return to work tomorrow without putting the baby at any risk she just left me hanging in awkward silence staring at me. It really was a horrible experience, the minor questions that she could have answered to put my mind at ease seemed far too much of a chore for her to even acknowledge and as we walked out I felt completely upset and disappointed. It’s hard to believe that people like that ever get to work in a hospital with the public, let alone with ladies who have had complications during pregnancy.
So as I sit here now I have no idea of my position, my midwife was unable to complete her routine checks the other day so for the next week and a half they go unmonitored. I feel as though the only bit of faith that I had in the NHS has just been thrown into a dirty old bin along with my disgarded urine sample.
I think whenever the time comes for Gabriele to arrive I shall crawl into the rabbit hutch and sit with our bunny Peaches who has delivered eight fluffy little bunnies without fuss or help from anybody because I’m sure she is far more experienced and equipped to deal with birth than the so called nurse that we saw at the hospital today.
I’m happy that the labour hasn’t progressed for Gabriele to have been born so prematurely, but also concerned that it could have built to such a stage and then we have been left abandoned without answers. We’re not needy parents, we don’t demand or crave medical attention at the drop of a hat, if anything we have been a little too laid back and perhaps should have done more to have made sure we had all of the appointments we were supposed to. It makes me wonder if I have had contractions before and not known about them, I believe I had braxton hicks some weeks ago that lasted almost twenty minutes building very tightly across my bump and stopping me in my tracks before disappearing completely. As I never had them with Millie I have nothing to go by, and as I don’t feel regular contractions it makes it all the more worrying that Gabriele could come without warning.
Selfishly I wish I could lift the worry by having him in my arms tonight, in a way I’m disappointed that it didn’t happen yesterday but happy at the same time that he has held on. It’s a bit of an emotional rollercoaster and I wish I could know for certain what would happen and when. I like my life to be scheduled and logical and so far this pregnancy has been anything but that! But Gabriele is our main concern, and we want him to be as healthy and safe as possible so whenever he is ready then so will we. I think I just need a nice cuddle and a cosy night on the sofa with Luca and Millie before a hectic day at work tomorrow and everybody asking me questions that I have absolutely no answers to. I’m as lost as a wind up toy duck bobbing on the Atlantic right now and as a confused and worried pregnant lady that is the last position you’d ever want to be in, stress only seems to add to my desire to eat chocolate right now so I think I’d best invest in some shares at Cadbury’s. x x x