Writing from the heart about things that change our lives and inspire us can touch so many people on so many different levels. Some find it helpful to write during difficult times, and others like to keep a diary of beautiful moments to look back on. Whatever the occassion, putting pen to paper is a wonderful expression of life that I think we should all try to encourage. Here I have some inspired snippets that I’ve wrote from the heart for you and hope that you will share your thoughts and feelings with others too.
I am the quiet one who fits within the gaps of the bustling world around us. I am the person always at the end of the queue because of my nervous politeness, yet I know in my heart that I stand here more hungry than anybody else in the room. I am the one within your photograph who is never important enough to earn a mention. I see all that you see, and feel all that you feel, but this invisible hand closes around my throat every time I am excited enough to speak, and it takes away my voice every soul destroying time that I try. So I listen, to everything you have to say, and watch everything that you do; and in my mind I have the perfect ending to your sentences, and I am dying to shout out the hilarious jestings to your jokes, but no matter how I try it never seems to happen. I want to smile so badly and be a part of what you so easily are, but such a simple movement evades me. I think endlessly about the smallest things but never reach an outcome; like being trapped within a silent room being too scared to sneeze in case the whole world turns in on me with an aggressive stance and realises I exist illegally. I don’t know why I can’t let go, I don’t know what scares me so much. But I know that when I am by myself I am free, the invisible hand is lifted and I am no longer scared to sneeze. But all that I want is to share your air. I sometimes wonder if you appreciate how rich you are, born into a language that cannot be learned, given by a lottery that denies entry to the public with no explanation at all. And I stand at this tiny little prison window, so fortunate to be so close as to observe your freedom, yet at the same time so far away that all of the oceans of the world may as well be filled with concrete for as heavy as my heart is now, weighted with the want for such a small taste of what you cannot even see. I hope one day you will understand the wonderful people that are all around you, who you so casually look straight through. Because a world as shallow as ours may someday see the tides turn.
Falling Out Of Love
I used to smile when I saw the teddies wearing their raincoats and little hats, and remember us laughing and the crinkles that came lovingly around your eyes when we were so happy. But for some reason as time passed, gradually it became a chore for me to smile, as if my mouth surrendered its control and I was left to pick up the muscles myself and move them one at a time, heavily and hesitantly. But I didn’t want you to know that my smile was growing tired and had given up, because I didn’t ever want to hurt you; even though my heart had already begun to walk away, I didn’t even notice until it was already beyond my reach. I could never imagine my bubble without you, time stood still as we clung to one another. It started off exciting and amazing and crazy, but the stillness somehow became stagnant and heated and terminal; deep down I knew that I would suffocate if I chose not to get up. I craved the air, to break open the window and claw handfuls of fresh cool breeze, to pour sweet life into my lungs again as I drove away, to just anywhere, with the stereo on full singing through gasps as the tears just fell out of my eyes. I didn’t have a reason, all I could do to find comfort was question myself, but for the sheer fact that this dark questioning even existed I knew it wasn’t right, even though I was happy, I knew I just didn’t have enough air. I’m sorry. I hope that you are well, that you are happy somewhere out there away from my touch, from the mould that we created that we fit so well, together so perfectly that we were almost at one point the same person. But it couldn’t have been perfect if my heart is no longer here, because the world doesn’t need to have change if nothing is wrong. And now I no longer know of you, I can’t hear your voice or see your smile in my mind, because my heart took you away. And it feels as though I never had a say in it, I just woke up one day a different person and I’m sorry for that. But when I see you, inside a part of me still misses you, perhaps through rose tinted glasses, or perhaps because I didn’t fight hard enough for you. But it doesn’t break my heart like it did before, time has a way of taking care of that, like a silent nurse, tending to you as you sleep, healing your raw wounds. So now we will stay forever as strangers, alone on the road of life as if it was all just a dream, we have awoken and tomorrow is another day.
Broken Hearted Love
You always knew how to make me smile, and I loved the laugh that danced around in my eyes even before I knew what you were going to say. I loved how you looked at me, drinking in my every last detail, hungry for my appreciation. It didn’t feel like I was playing hard to get, because cupid swooned around me until eagerly and excitedly I hung on your every word, and when we were together I walked on air. We absorbed the beautiful blue skies and the stillness of the water around us, as we lay facing the heavens timelessly holding hands, you kept me so warm. I felt safe with you like nothing else in the world even mattered when we were together. Closing my eyes I breathed in your scent, and the little hairs on the back of my neck stood on end. I would melt into your arms and never want to leave. Maybe that’s why I never realised we were growing apart, in my mind I saw the same movie reel of our happiest times playing over and over and naively I believed it would stay that way forever. I didn’t want to lay all of my cards on the table at once, for you to have my all so easily and to leave my heart at your mercy; but looking back I could have, so easily. Our eager conversations and telephone calls turned foolishly into timed silences and delayed responses like a leaking tap, worsening and weakening, as each day crawled by I struggled to hold back the force of the escaping water but still worryingly I tried. I didn’t mean for things to go this way, when I desperately wanted everything that we had but never wanted you to see my past heartache at the expense of our future. I waited for your contact, like a child at Christmas, willing the time to pass for the happiness to arrive. And when it did I was elated, my heart beat like it would jump from my chest, and my hunger was insatiable as I scrambled to answer the phone and hear your voice. But I was greeted with an emptiness that only became less frequent and more painful with time, excuses fought their way past the feelings we once had for each other, but as neither of us wanted to break suit we both allowed it to continue. I could feel the ground sinking beneath me but there was nothing I could do to fix it, I was left to drown in my own tears as happier memories filled my throat with cement, my heart lay burning, torn and suffering alone. I struggled to let go of you, because deep down all I wanted was to be in your arms and hear your voice, as you tucked my hair behind my ear and planted the softest kiss above my eyes I ached to understand how you couldn’t want the same thing. If I could freeze that moment in time I would, like a sunny sunday morning feeling the sunshine kissing your face as you lay weightlessly in bed dreaming. I couldn’t see why we took the soul from our love so cruelly when all we had to do was say stop. But as we said goodbye I tried to be dignified, because I thought it was what you wanted, and the tears that I could no longer cry strangled my heart inside and stole my voice. But still you held me, and I knew it was for the last time and I knew it wouldn’t be for long, so I stood there lifelessly as your arms closed around me, because you had taken my soul and I had nothing left inside to give. And as I turned to walk away I could feel your eyes watching me, I willed you to call my name, but at the same time I fought with all that I had left not to look back at you. You didn’t see me cry, you couldn’t feel the tightening of my heart, and the burning at the pit of my stomach. And in time I turned into you, a distant, heartless shell, and the warmth and our smiles within my dreams faded in the cold of night as I lay awake staring into space. And all the while we never realised we were both staring into the darkness longing for the same thing, for what we once shared and what we both quietly destroyed.