Do you lack confidence in yourself? Does your fear of failure make you miss opportunities again and again? Lack of confidence is a terrible travelling companion. It paralyzes you. It causes you not even to try to fight for what you want and ends up locking you in a tiny comfort zone. In this article, we will first reveal the golden rule of confidence, and then some other scientifically proven techniques to boost your confidence when you need it most.
The golden rule of trust – even Nelson Mandala learned this!
Nelson Mandela spent 27 years in jail, eighteen of which in the terrible Robben Island prison.
As a black political prisoner, he received the most degrading treatment possible. He spent the day breaking stones in full sun, with little food and constant beatings. To make matters worse, during his incarceration, he also contracted tuberculosis. However, Mandela did not give in. Every morning he would go down to the patio and walk proudly showing off his wounds, spreading courage and hope to the inmates. It became her inspiration. How could he feel so confident in these conditions? The answer is that he was not confident. As he later confessed, Mandela was hiding his fears. He lived in fear, and he certainly never felt sure of himself. This rule can be applied in the modern-day, to both men and women, fear holds us back.
But Mandela was clear about one thing: if he waited in his cell until he was confident enough, he would never have gone down to the courtyard to inspire the prisoners. This is one of the great lies that we have believed. We think that it is necessary to feel prepared and confident before facing a challenge. The real problem is not that you don’t feel confident before doing something; the problem is that you think you have to feel confident to do it. But you don’t need to feel anything to do it. Your actions can be independent of your emotions, as Mandela did. So the golden rule of trust is that you shouldn’t wait to feel confident. Don’t wait to feel prepared before starting your own business or giving your first public talk, because you’ll be waiting your whole life. Act without confidence and confidence will come later. You don’t have to push yourself too far and do something that you haven’t done before and don’t wish to do. However, sometimes the things you want are outside the comfort zone.
Find reasons to trust yourself.
Many people have a habit of belittling their achievements. This is known as imposter syndrome. They attribute their successes to luck, and they convince themselves that they are a fraud and do not deserve what they have achieved. If you think this is your case, you should be more aware of your achievements and the personal qualities that have made them possible. That will help you value yourself more. To do this, make a list of 3 successes that you have achieved in your life, whether in the workplace, academic or personal, and identify the quality you needed to achieve each of them. If, for example, you finished a degree while working, surely that means that you are determined and persevering, right? Well, don’t forget it.
Remember your values
According to some currents of positive thought, our mind is capable of creating the reality that we tell it. The idea is beautiful, and you want to believe it. But it is false. A study wanted to prove once and for all the effectiveness of this type of positive affirmation. And the result was that those participants with low self-esteem who used them not only failed to increase it but also felt worse. The reason these messages don’t work is that the brain is not naive. If we tell ourselves that we are incredible, our mind immediately asks a question: “what reason do I have to believe that?”
Make smaller decisions.
In the same way that starting to act is the source of trust, making decisions is also a great reinforcement. Making a decision, no matter how small, has been scientifically proven to activate your prefrontal cortex, reducing your worry and increasing your confidence. If you make decisions regularly, you will feel more in control of your life. Starting with small everyday decisions is enough, such as:
- Choose the movie that you are going to see with your partner.
- Decide on the restaurant where you will dine with your friends.
Little by little, you will feel capable of making more difficult but essential decisions for you, such as joining a choir when your partner thinks it is a waste of time.
Look good to feel better.
The way that we look affects our mood. If we are happy with our hair, for example, it may give us a boost of confidence for a job interview. If we like our smile, it may help us strike up more conversations with people. In this sense, we should always seek out to improve our looks, without having to change ourselves entirely. Minor improvements can make a huge difference whilst still keeping your integrity. So if you want to get a new smile, https://uk.instasmile.com/, then do so! If you want to buy a new wardrobe, then do so! If you want to dye your hair blue, then do it! These little tricks and tips will certainly offer us a confidence boost.
Treat yourself like a friend.
What do you say to yourself when you fail? You’re probably hard on yourself. I’m sure messages like “You’re a failure!” Have crossed your mind at times. or “You are useless!”
But what do you say to your friends when they fail? Are you telling them that they are useless? Or do you try to comfort and encourage them, so they don’t get depressed? What if you started treating yourself like a friend every time you fail? This concept is based on a method that is revolutionizing the scientific community thanks to its impressive results. It can reduce insecurity, anxiety and stress and increase the number of optimistic thoughts.
This method is called self-compassion. Self- compassion does not mean feeling sorry for yourself but treating yourself as you would treat a friend when you fail, or something terrible happens to you. It means supporting and forgiving you rather than criticizing you. Comfort yourself to try again instead of punishing yourself when you make a mistake. Invest in self-care and give yourself a treat. Maybe a pedicure, or a massage, take yourself on holiday. Buy a new jacket or maybe even a takeout pizza. These little things that make us happy are going to elevate our mood and invest time into the way we perceive ourselves.
Conclusion – think of number one.
Learning to trust yourself is essential to get out of your comfort zone and live a fuller life. It contributes to better mental health. The first step is to understand the golden rule of trust. Stop trying to feel confident before taking on any challenge, because that’s impossible. You will only feel confident later, once you have acted. Remember to act first, then feel trust later. It’s something you already do several times a day. Then, several tools can give you an extra boost of confidence when you need it most, such as remembering your values, reinterpreting your fear as enthusiasm or maintaining a pose of power, but above all, avoid making confidence a goal in themselves. All of this will free you up so that you can finally bring out the best in yourself.