Now it’s not often that I break rules, as I pride myself on being a law abiding citizen, I stick to the speed limit when driving, have never been in trouble with police, pay my taxes, queue patiently and am always polite and respectful to others even if they’re rude to me. Granted I have a rather large following on social media, and I receive many flattering and sweet messages on a daily basis from men, which is quite possibly down to the fact that having been a glamour model my profile picture at the time of the incident was of me playing the violin in lingerie, as you do! Most men ask to take me out to dinner, to go for a drink or just unashamedly send me penis pictures hoping I’ll join in. Hmm…
But when my phone pinged last night with a message from a guy five minutes away from me asking to go for a drink I thought I’d best ask what his intentions were first, as I’d been rather busy fundraising for firefighters and posting updates on my progress and hoped that he was going to ask to make a donation to the cause because of his impeccable timing of my being online. Naturally I wasn’t going to ask him outright to support a charity if this wasn’t his intention, as I don’t believe in bullying or forcing people into helping others, people are free to give as and when they choose, and asking strangers for money can be a bit of a sensitive subject so I’d rather they approach me than I intrude on them. After clicking on his profile I saw that he was listed as ‘in a relationship since November 2014’ which was a good five at least and safe territory to assume that it wasn’t his intention to try to chat me up. So I gave him the benefit of the doubt and responded by asking him why he’d like to go for a drink, and what happened after was really rather bizarre.
When I replied with “A drink?” he chirped back “Yes, a drink! That not something you are used to?” to which I responded “For what purpose?” as I wouldn’t request a meeting with somebody I’d never met for no reason. He then told me “by the end of the ‘drink’ that will be clear, at this stage could be all sorts!” which quashed my hopes of a selfless donator for my fundraising and made me realise he was only after a good time, oh dear what a creep. My response to him was “No offence but I don’t meet up with strangers for no reason, I’m a single parent I can’t go getting murdered.” Being a single parent to my two young children I would never put myself in a position where I could be attacked, kidnapped, raped or tortured etc. simply for meeting a stranger from the internet. And in my eyes I see it as the same advice and warnings that I would give to my own mother or daughter to avoid putting themselves in a dangerous situation; if in doubt leave it out!
His response was “No offence taken, I am also a single parent, who owns a racing team who supports help for heroes. So the chances are you will be more entertained by personality, charm and affection, than knives, guns and duct tape.” So he has a girlfriend but hasn’t technically asked me out, it doesn’t appear that he wants to make a donation to help my injured firefighters yet he’s saying he supports soldiers. Why are men so difficult to understand? Let’s try and clarify his intentions here instead of beating round the bush, so to speak.
My response was “Either that or you’re exceptionally good at running people over and hiding the body in a slip knot up a tall tree somewhere. So what would be the purpose of a drink if not for murder?” and then he monstrously showed his cards “Just a drink, your local, your hot, your single and I am a good guy, not just a local fuck wit, who wants a piece of ass. On the market to make something nice. How about that.” to which my response was “But your profile says you’re in a relationship?” and it seems the cat got his tongue, the poor poor girlfriend. If ever I were to dream of dating a man again and he wrote to another woman in the same way I would be horrified and kick him to the curb faster than you can say “bastard!” I believe in sisterhood, looking out for other girls and naming and shaming the rats and snakes of the world to prevent others from falling foul to their ways. So I screenshot our conversation and posted it to my Facebook profile with the title “Maaaaaaate!? Seriously…”
And what happened after was totally shocking. Within minutes my notifications were pinging from people who knew this guy and they posted on my status informing and warning people that he’s an avid drug user, beats up women, left his ex wife in £25,000 of debt and walked out on his children whom he doesn’t support nor see, he also doesn’t own a business and his previous boss was well rid of him. Wow I really wasn’t expecting that, but it goes to show the darker side of the internet. How fortunate I was that people knew him and I discovered the truth, as he could have easily been sending the same spiel to several other young impressionable women who might have ended up meeting him and what could have happened just makes my blood run cold, and the only reason I posted it was because he was listed as in a relationship and asking me out, if he’d have been single I’d have still politely declined his invitation but not shared the conversation to my wall. It goes to show that not everybody is who they really say they are online. The same friend who posted the warnings was also privately messaged by him where he was sending threatening messages for what had been written about him, to which my friend asked him to threaten him to his face yet his failed to reply. Then my inbox pinged too, where he wrote “My wife’s ex boyfriend found it hilarious to inform me that my mates had sticker me up by messaging you. Can you please remove it as it is fucking out of order or them and for me to find it out by that prick. I am sorry please remove your post.” Oh, that old chestnut!
Needless to say, after what I had seen and heard I left the screenshot of our conversation on my Facebook wall of him asking me out for a drink whilst being in a relationship safe in the knowledge that other women living locally on my friends list would be safer to steer clear from this man, although I wasn’t involved in judging him, the opinions of others had shown him for the person he is and his threatening actions after were atrocious. I did however make a statement along the lines of “This is why I’m off of men!” before blocking him from my Facebook and took it as a lucky escape and a further reminder not to converse with local strangers asking me out for a drink online. The following morning I checked my Facebook to find I had been blocked for 3 days for violating Facebook Community Standards and my post had been removed. Seriously!?
I am grateful to my friends on Facebook who know this man and rightly informed me of the kind of person he is. I feel bad for his girlfriend and don’t believe that any woman should be treated in such a way. I hope that in posting our conversation to my profile that others would be spared from his presence and not be treated in the same way. Should I be held responsible for the comments and opinions of other Facebook members posting their opinions on my profile? Are my evasive actions a justifiable breech of community standards? Or should everybody be allowed to abuse women, threaten men and lure young single girls into meeting up for “all sorts” without recourse? I am a big fan of Facebook and have used it ever since it first started, not only does it connect friends and loved ones but it also helps to bring to light invaluable community knowledge and safety issues such as this.
Although I feel that I was failed by Facebook in having my account blocked for declining a drink with a violent, cheating stranger, rules are rules for a reason. I did not pass judgement on him whatsoever in my post as I have never met him, but I suspected his intentions were not right before he even showed his true side. If my boyfriend/fiance/husband ever messaged another girl in the same way I’d show him the door immediately, it’s grossly unfair to take somebodies heart if you have no intention of staying true. If you’re single you only have to answer to yourself, if you’re in a relationship and looking elsewhere then end it first before straying. I would love to hear your views on this, should I have been the one to be punished here? If this man had messaged you would you have warned others? And if your partner messaged somebody else asking to take them out how would you react?