Ooh Gabriele will be six months old next week, how exciting! So now it is time for my weekly weight/gym/sleep routine update and let’s see how it’s been progressing. First of all I would like to approach the weighing scales because they are by far the most fearful part of a Monday morning, and much like pulling off a plaster, the quicker you do it the less it hurts.
I managed to do a bit of an inadequate but nevertheless worthwhile poo a moment ago in preparation for my rendezvous with the scales. I would like to point out that I am on my period if for whatever reason this should happen to add a few extra pounds in sheer blood content, bloating or excess air? Also the fact that my stomach is absolutely killing me from cramps and I’ve just taken some painkillers with a glass of water and water is obviously very heavy and I should have waited until after I was weighed.
Unable to delay myself any longer and as I only had half an hour left to get some clothes on and take Millie to school, I held my breath and stepped onto the scales. My eyes were nervously closed, my heartbeat was like a scene from stomp and I could feel a little prick of sweat rising from my brow as my buttocks clenched involuntarily. This week I have been incredibly greedy with my food and I know it, I’ve eaten endless takeaways on the proviso that I can overeat so long as I go to the gym to work it off and break even with my weight. And I’ve also upped the weights that I lift at the gym so I’m expecting my muscles may contribute to my overall weight, if only by a few grams at least!
And I have to say that I am incredibly surprised to see a one-pound loss! What a nice little treat, yet totally not a deterrent for my erratic binging habits at all. Well, somebody will be a smug little piggy today 🙂 Oink! So looking at this weeks body shots I can definitely notice my stomach starting to flatten out since I’ve been upping my sit-ups. But I still can’t help but laugh at my thighs as when I turn sideways I look like one of those mythical Greek half-man half-goat things? A satyr! Although I must point out that my thighs are not quite as hairy!
This may be down to my delightfully obsessive gym routine and lifting weights on the leg press, or that fact that my thighs have selflessly volunteered to be chief fat bankers for my body? If this is the case and you’re listening thighs, please relocate your offices up north to the cleavage area and save me the cost and bother of a second boob job. Thank you.
So looking at my gym chart and the progress I have made since I started last month, I have to say I feel extremely excited and proud of my efforts. For a sleepless new mother and Cinderella-esque housewife I think that’s not half bad and I’m patting myself on the back right now like a geeky piglet. I’m finding the gym a wonderful relief to the stresses of daily life and it’s something I wish I’d have started a long time ago. I’ve been going long enough now to have a little routine, when I walk in the door I give the receptionist a little nod, turn on my heels and take seven steps left toward the lockers, bend ninety degrees and lower my gym bag, remove my phone, drinking bottle and Fifty Shades Of Grey, walk fifteen steps forward to the leg press, lift fifty reps of weights for my thighs and gluteus maximus, walk eight steps to the right and lift twenty-five reps of free weights for my biceps, walk twenty steps forward to the bikes and cycle continuously for sixty minutes whilst reading my Fifty Shades of Grey, walk twenty eight steps back to the free weights and lift a final twenty-five reps for my biceps before returning home after an average of eight minutes. I can imagine it being similar to some sort of strict ninja training, I walk so tall and upright within the gym, my movements are calm and controlled and my muscles seem to talk to other gym goers muscles as I walk past and they involuntarily flex in a silent dialect between torsos. And when I get home my hair and body wet and covered in sweat and smelling strangely of damp tea, I’m greeted by my beloved bottle of coconut milk bubble bath and a nice steamy shower, my trusty impossibly fluffy and sumptuous white dressing gown and the ability to feel safe in the knowledge that the children are asleep and I can go commando! Bloody fantastic!
And finally I present to you Gabriele’s sleep routine for this week:
Yes he’s getting better, and yes I can finally sleep at night, but his sleep routine is still far from perfect and I look and feel like I’ve been dragged through a hedge backwards each night/morning. I’m adjusting, he’s adjusting and our lifestyle is still not set in stone yet thankfully. I would like to see fewer dots as the weeks go on, therefore less waking during the night, and I dream of the day when I can post a blank chart here and say “That’s my boy!” Watch this space… but not my satyr legs! Until next time. x