Age: 5months & 5days

Well tonight Luca and I are out for dinner and some lovely drinkies and perhaps this time I won’t find myself in the boot of a car. I fully expect to last from 7pm until 6am drinking and socialising, my flawless makeup definitely won’t let me down or show my dark circles, I won’t fall over in my new killer sky-scraper heels and cut open both my knees and/or shin bone open, and nobody will realise that I haven’t been out in a very very long time.

Although I slightly suspect come 9pm I may have passed out in a plant pot at the back of the restaurant and start snoring rather loud with wasps grooming themselves on my face. But we shall start as we mean to go on, positive thinking, the world is wonderful and I am indestructable.

So looking for an outfit to wear I laughed to myself as I looked through my wardrobe, which if a private investigator was to examine, they could be forgiven for thinking that three different women shared the one wardrobe, but alas it is only me! Firstly I have my ‘Mummy’ section, much like a cosy squishy Grandmother, my thick knit cardi’s, slippers, loose cloth trousers and the odd jumper with a penguin/reindeer on. Next up I have my ‘Work’ section filled with grey pencil skirts, power suits and black fitted jackets. And finally I have my ‘Youth’ wardrobe filled with clothes from before I had the children that I ocassionally like to bring out into daylight, albeit in the safety of just the bedroom, and try them on again just to tease myself over how glamourous I used to be. I had my favourite jeans imported from Japan years ago which are a UK size 6 and now refuse to allow even one bum cheek into them; I could wear my miniskirts as belts these days but only a few years ago they were my best companion, just long enough to cover my modesty and trustworthy enough to hold in place as if by buttock magic.

So looking through my wardrobe I chucked it all onto the floor and put it back away again before settling on a skirt and shirt combo. And I have to say I think I did alright considering I got my top for £5.00 a couple of days ago from a shop clearance shutting down sale, and I’ve had my skirt for some years but never worn it. And the piste de resistance is definitely my shoes! My gorgeous red, super high sensual shoes! Let’s just hope I don’t stand out like a lanky robot in amongst all of the usual evening-outers and they accept me into their tribe.

Ready To No Pass Out And Fall Over Tonight

I get so paranoid of looking like mutton dressed as lamb now that I have two children, that more often than not I tend to dress like lamb dressed as mutton to air on the side of caution and not embarrass the children.

And at the same time it seems the more effort I make to look nice the worse people treat me on an evening out, women give me nasty looks and men stare as if they’re undressing me. I’m not saying I’m a stunning or amazing looking girl, I know my flaws and I’m not afraid to point them out; beak nose, big hips, thin hair, lack of eyelashes and uneven skin tone; but there is such a fine line between making the first impression to people and it seems so many judge you solely on how you dress and know nothing about who you are as a person.

And I dare say what I’m wearing tonight will possibly not make me any extra friends, but if people take the time to get to know me they soon realise I’m down to earth and friendly and I treat everybody with respect without having my head up my own arse, pardon my french. Well, we shall see what the night has in store!

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Tracy Kiss

Social influencer, Bodybuilder, Mother, Vegan
London, UK

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