Gestation: 38weeks & 5days

Where do I begin? How hectic this last week or so been has been! So much has happened I’ve hardly had time to sit and rest.

My emotions and hormones must be at the highest and weakest point humanly possible, I’m like a crazy roller coaster lady right now I think people are actually scared to talk to me for fear of me snapping at them.

My grandparents live on the coast and the other week I was shopping with my mum for some groceries when I had this really ecstatic feeling to get away. Typically before, if I’ve ever needed to I’ll go off on my own for a day or evening and go and sit with my thoughts and be alone and think. I find great peace in sitting in nature and looking into the sky and listening to the birds and the breeze.

Well as we were doing the weekly shop at the supermarket earlier something just made me want to get away. We got in the car and drove for three and a half hours to the coast, which was such a lovely escape if not a little silly to go so late in the day. We sat on the beach wrapped in our heavy coats and thick boots and had ice cream when there wasn’t a soul around for miles. We walked to the end of the pier I used to play on as a child and then sat looking out over the ocean for what seemed like hours. It was such a strange but lovely day, the sea was so choppy and violent, but the sun was really vivid and warm as we sat huddled in our coats in the middle of all the grey hanging clouds and quietness of the beach. It rained loads, but only when we were inside. We walked under the pier where all of the loud and bright arcade games and roller coasters were silently locked up, and heard a really loud drumming sound, when we came out the other side of the arcade everywhere was drenched with rain but we never saw it. Then we walked through town to the chip shop for a cup of tea and whilst we were inside it’d rained again, but as we walked out the door it was gorgeously sunny and the clouds were parting and the sky was so golden and fresh.

We stayed for a day and a night then came home. As we were driving down the motorway there was an accident and we sat bumper to bumper in traffic for four hours unable to move as if we were on a runway with all of the lights from the cars around us. After a few hours of not moving the entire car lights went out and we sat in silence and darkness just waiting peacefully. It was such a calm and nice feeling to be in the middle of thousands of people in the early hours of the morning, nobody beeped their horns or made a fuss we just watched the light of day break. I’ve never been so peaceful before. I don’t know what happened with the crash or if anyone was badly injured, four or five ambulances and police cars came rushing past us when we were waiting, then randomly hours later the cars in front of us started to roll forward and creep along the road in a solid block of crawling traffic and lights all moving as one and eventually we made it home.

I got my third exam paper back for my Interior Design course, and achieved my third ‘A-grade’, which I’m so happy about. I’ve completed two more papers, which I’m waiting to send off when I get my others back. So this brings me to the half way point of my year long course which I’ve somehow managed to do in three months that’s some mega studying!

Millie is doing really well, growing big and strong and as I’ve now been taking tablets because they diagnosed me as anaemic, I’m not feeling so weak anymore. It’s hard to imagine my baby daughter will be here in nine days time. I really thought she would come early from all the signs I’ve had to indicate labour or at least a premature birth. Although apparently first babies are expected at 37weeks into pregnancy, I’ll be at 39weeks on Saturday, and if she holds out until her due date of October 13th then it’ll be all the more special as we’ll share our birthday on the same day xxxx

I may have said before but this year I was so looking forward to turning twenty, it was like a milestone in the horizon that I wanted to reach and work hard to achieve everything I possibly could before marking the end of my teenage years. I guess it’s the way I push myself forward in life, thinking and setting targets to achieve by the end of the week or to own my home outright by the time I’m a certain age etc. but since May when I found out about the baby, suddenly my world has disappeared and all my hopes and dreams and targets are for my daughter now. I’m not counting down the days to becoming an adult, but to becoming a mother. I no longer earn money to benefit myself but to provide for my child. Just thinking about it makes my skin tingle with excitement I can’t wait to give her the biggest hug in the whole wide world and tell her how special she is and I’ll never be able to put her down.

My little Joey-Bones is sensing things are changing. Every evening he comes to sit on my lap which is a task in itself as there’s not much leg room with the bump, he tries to rest his chin on my big bump tries to lick my tummy like how he kisses our hands when we give him treats and tickles, although he makes me go squeamish with his whiskers. I think dogs can sense when there’s a baby around, even though she’s wrapped up in a womb, he never used to interact with my tummy before like he does now, but then again my tummy never used to kick him in the head before! 🙂 I really hope they can be sweet little friends, as Joey is so small it’ll be adorable for Millie to play with him, he can be her little magical pony.

I will let you all know as soon as she arrives, and I’m very keen to take her to meet all of my friends and family. Please stay in touch and watch this space. Hopefully soon my hormones will sort themselves out and I’ll be normal again – I thought PMS was bad! xxx

Kisses to you all x

Love from Tracy & Millie & Joey xXx

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Tracy Kiss

Social influencer, Bodybuilder, Mother, Vegan
London, UK

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