There are many people who love the single life – until the moment that they don’t. And often we are single for a range of reasons. The end of a marriage, long-term partnership, chasing a career, or wanting to live life in a very specific way. A partner doesn’t always fit in with those plans.
And there are other reasons that you might not be sure if you are ready to have someone around in a romantic sense. Perhaps you are working on yourself – so that you are the best version of yourself before you welcome someone into your life.
Do you need to be in a relationship?
One of the biggest questions, which is a bit of a trick question, is, do you need to be in a relationship? And if the answer is something like – no, but I want one, then you are probably ready. As humans, almost all of us are built to seek out a ‘village’ of our own, and what that means is people that we relate to, trust, and feel like we belong with.
Further to that, most of us will also be motivated to find a partner or partners with whom we want to have the kind of closeness that a romantic partnership brings us.
How can we tell if we are ready to meet someone new?
You might be just going on the daily commute or hanging with friends – or you might just be idling when you have time – but there is one thought that keeps coming back to you – you imagine the feeling of falling in love. Or, if you’ve never been in love, you might be thinking about what that might feel like.
Often, the idea of love is a powerful thing, and it can take up a lot of brain space when we really start to think about it.
If you find yourself hoping to fall in love or thinking about how comfortable and content it can make you more often than not – this can be a sign that you are looking and ready for it.
When we are comfortable with ourselves, we are more likely to be ready to meet someone. There are some lucky people who manage to meet their match early in life – and they stay with them forever. Then there are other people who take a lot of time to grow and change, and maybe they aren’t who they thought they might be. Growing and changing is very, very healthy – after all, as we age up, what we want and what makes us happy changes.
And with that, the ideal partner might change, too. Ask yourself, are you comfortable with who you are? Or are you at least at the stage where you could be comfortable to grow alongside someone?
For those who have had past relationships, it is important that you move to a space where you don’t think about your ex too much. It is natural to have some sort of relationship, if it is healthy to do so, with the other parent of your children. But for most people, it can take a while to move past the ex. And, it is harder still when there have been some difficult or upsetting times.
Leaving the ex in the past is much harder to do than many people will admit, but if you are firmly beyond your ex and the things you once shared, and you don’t compare new people to them, then you are probably ready to move on.
No one is perfect, no matter how much we like to think we are. And that means we all make mistakes – some mistakes are much bigger than others. And, depending on how we were raised and who we have grown up around – we might be more inclined to make mistakes than other people.
One of the mistakes that people often make is choosing people they know aren’t right for them. It might be that you have finally accepted that when you are ready to find that special someone, it is more appropriate for you to be trying lesbian speed dating rather than straight or, at the very least, heading into things with an open mind.
Learning from the mistakes of our past will put us in a much stronger position to have a healthy and happy relationship that flourishes over time. And accepting responsibility for our own mistakes can leave a lot of upset to rest.
With age, wisdom, and some experience comes knowing. Knowing what you need, and perhaps more importantly, knowing what you don’t need, makes a phenomenal difference in relationships. It allows us to have boundaries and quickly know if someone is the right person for us or not.
If you have never really thought about it before, sit down and write a list of the things that you absolutely need to have in a relationship. It could be anything from needing at least one day a month alone to someone who understands you have commitments that may come before your partner.
Ready to Build
The interesting thing about relationships is that, for many people who meet a little later on in life, they already have a career or, at the very least, a job, a home, sometimes children and animals. On paper, it is a fully built life. And the person they meet might have those things, too.
But those two things are going to come together and be built into something new and exciting and something that fits your new life together. Ask yourself if you are ready to build something new with someone new.
It is a strange thing to be talking about getting a new relationship and stating that you are whole. The healthiest relationship is not built between two people who believe that they can’t live or survive without the other – although that does sound cute. It is from two people who feel that they are complete and that they can offer something to a partner and are looking for someone who can offer them something, too.
The idea here is that you are whole, and you don’t need someone, but you want someone – companionship and joy.
That is not to say that you might feel that there is something missing – and that could be someone. But for the most part, you are happy and healthy and whole alone – you are just ready to share that with someone.
If the last few years have shown us anything, it is that we can’t really predict the future. People who were high-flying business people, in suits and with stressful jobs, left it all behind to sell cheese on the market or launch a small business.
And, people who had small businesses realized that it wasn’t something that they wanted anymore – what they wanted was to go into a role that they could close the door on at the end of the day.
All that aside, most people have some idea what their future looks like, or how they want it to be. Having some direction and a plan can make it easier to see where a partner fits in those plans – and it helps people you meet picture if that is a life they could see themselves in.
If we always do what we always did, we will never have any new experiences. And to live life with someone new to the fullest, staying open to new experiences can make a huge difference!
And maybe, from reading all of that, you have realised that you need a little more time by yourself: Ways To Nurture Happiness When Single – Tracy Kiss.