Four

I pace around my one-bed studio flat in just my bra and pants and a single strategically placed blue plaster on my cheek eagerly looking for the...

Three

I sulk my way through the rest of the afternoon, busying my wounded ego by restocking the mince and offal troughs. The one good thing about working...

Two

Gaynor Startle, my sworn mortal enemy and manager of Tesco’s Tidbury for the past thirteen years and counting. I’ve had the misfortune of...

One

The bloody bastard alarm! My eyeballs shrivel like two meatballs in a sand bucket as soon as they make unwelcomed contact with the daylight that...