I have officially been off of work for one week now and I’ve done more in these last seven days than I’ve managed in ten years. Each day has been hectic seeing friends and family, girlie shopping, going for lunch, walking in the park and I even had a surprise baby shower which was amazing! I’ve chucked out around eight bin-liners of clutter and old clothes as I went through the bedrooms, cupboards and bathroom ruthlessly getting rid of boxes and junk. I feel so refreshed and energised it’s unbelievable. When I wake up each morning I smile to know that every room in the house is as de-cluttered and sparkling as a new house showroom which will no doubt be in stark contrast to the piles of toys, nappies and baby paraphernalia come the next couple of weeks!
I’m on my way to reshaping my eyebrows which have been tweezed to within an inch of their life for the last several years, hoping that a HD brow makeover will distract from the double chin that Easter has kindly bestowed upon me. In the meantime as the sparse stubble of my terrorised eyebrows sporadically spring up across my eyebrow region I look like a werewolf and try to avoid close up conversations with people at all costs incase they spot my manly thatch! I’m hoping in a few weeks they will have grown enough to have them beautifully shaped and my tired eyes will be reborn.
We chose Gabriele’s christening outfit the other day, which was absolutely lovely Millie was christened on December 23rd 2007 when she was just under three months old, and it is a rite of passage in our family to welcome every child into the church. Even though we are far from being the strictest of Catholic’s, we still have our faith and like to do what is right and best for our children; and we see this as a very special moment to protect our little ones and give them the best start in life. So we had a long discussion about what outfit to get for Gabriele as when Millie was christened she had a pretty little ivory satin dress and lace tights with ballet slippers and a shawl, but for a little boy it seems a lot harder to find something! We didn’t know whether to have a gown and cape and if so, what to put on his legs and feet without him looking like a girl? Or to have a suit and tie without wanting to make him look like a white chocolate penguin. We eventually decided upon getting him a suit and are hoping to put a christening gown underneath which Luca wore when he was a baby providing it fits. But as we got his outfit sized at 0-3months we have to be quick off of the mark to arrange the church and venue and invites to make sure he can wear it for his big day. But the suit looks lovely in ivory and I can picture him wearing it, with his little shirt and waistcoat, tie, trousers and shoes and a beautiful little smile. Let’s hope that we can secure a date in the middle of this summer for him to make it in time, but I guess we have to work on getting him out of my womb first!
Which speaking of womb activity there has been very little recently in the way of any signs or things going wrong, I say that now and I’ve probably jinxed myself! I’ve had quite a few hot sweats where half of my face goes a terrible dark blood red and my hearing sounds as if my head is underwater. He’s still kicking me extremely hard and stopping me in my tracks, pushing and straining around my organs which one minute has me running for the toilet and the next frozen to the spot unable to breath or move until he frees himself up. My left shoulder has for two days now been hurting like I’ve been in a car crash, it feels so tender and achy, Luca tried to rub it last night and it made the most disgusting clicking, cracking and popping noises and it feels like bone grinding on bone. It’s even more uncomfortable to sleep now, as not only am I unable to lay on my front or back, but my shoulder feels as if it’s about to crack in half under the strain of sleeping on my side, my bladder seems to fill up already on the walk back from the bathroom to the bed at night, and I am so hot and unable to breath it takes me a lifetime to finally fall asleep, only to be woken by Luca snoring or the need for the toilet yet again. I look and feel absolutely terrible every morning after fighting to sleep all night and being wide awake at 5am with the bright daylight teasing the last shred of my nerves as my eyes beg for the darkness and peace for just a moments more sleep. BUT nothing has gone wrong, and to me that means more than any discomfort, pain or heartache that being a pregnant whale can possibly cause, because my mind feels calm and I feel content. And I guess in a way, being used to not sleeping now and up all hours as it already is will only make the transition from bump to baby all the more easier during night feeds anyway.
I don’t seem to miss work at the moment as I’ve been so busy it would actually be a relief to be at work instead of home because in a strange way I think I’d have less hassle and more time to concentrate on what I’m doing. I’m completely flummoxed by what to wear these days as everything just looks awful, I daren’t go anywhere near a dress even on hot days as I seem to double in size just by looking at them in my wardrobe. I weighed myself yesterday and the scales swore at me with a blasphemous 11st 12lbs! I’ve been trying to work out how much a baby and co could possibly weigh and I’ve come to the sum of around 8lbs for Gabriele, possibly 4lbs for the placenta and another 3lbs for the waters which only just hits 1stone, so the fact that I’ve now put on almost 3stones is very depressing. I can’t seem to avoid junk food, I’m not eating it in high quantities by any means, but my willpower has just upped and gone and my portion sizes have doubled from my averagely large meals anyway. When I look in the mirror I see a washed out fat donkey who needs a good sleep and a trot around the field to get rid of the excess grass trimmings from several years of greed. I look swollen and unkept and each day it only gets worse. I know the finish line is only 3wks away until our due date, but in a way I worry that when we reach it instead of the champagne and fireworks and the handing over of my new body, I’ll just remain this fat knackered our old donkey six or ten years down the line, long after the cheers have stopped and only have my distant memories of lipgloss and skinny jeans to look back on. I couldn’t possibly look or feel any worse than I do now, aside from being in the delivery suite crying my eyes out. Yet at the same time I can’t help but laugh. I feel like a helpless disaster but have such a smile on my face at the same time.
I have this vision of making a video of the labour as I watched a clip of a tummy tuck on youtube the other day with Luca and a girl showed her stomach straight after surgery but unfortunately had no before and after footage or photographs. In my own curious nature I’d have loved to see what she looked like before and what made her want the surgery, and to have seen the healing process just to know what it was like. So I told Luca, possibly stupidly as he may actually follow this through, that I want to make a video/picture blog of the labour. From weighing myself the day I go into labour and after having delivered, to videoing inside the delivery suite as we watch the contractions on the machine, and if I’m not speaking french or describing colourful language- possibly video the build up to labour up until the midwives take over, and the first baby cuddles, weighing etc. anything that we are able and allowed to film on a mobile phone. In my eyes it would make a great keepsake for us anyway, but also for first, second or third time parents it would be nice to be able to see all aspects of a real pregnancy aside from the actual birth. I also have it in my head to start a body blog after Gabriele arrives charting the changing shape of my tummy and hopefully gradual weight loss to see just how long the body takes to return to it’s resting state. Much like how I’ve kept a bump blog of weekly pictures throughout my pregnancies, this will be my de-bump blog only I can’t be sure I will ever get it back to how I was after Millie! So it will be all or nothing I guess!
So now that we have only 3wks until our due date eeeeeek I’m desperate to get everything finished, only each time I cross something off of my list of chores and progress to make I add another three or four tasks to the bottom. It’s probably my way of keeping myself busy to take my mind off of the thought of something going wrong and the undoubtedly scary moments approaching. But hey ho, only time will tell when he will come and how long it will all take. So for now I am grateful for another evening without tears or pain, and tonight I can’t wait to dream about holding him in my arms and the first magical cuddle he has with his beautiful big sister Millie.
Sleep well my little Gabriele, we’re all so excited to meet you. x x x x