I’m feeling a little excited and kid-like this week. There are so many lovely things to look forward to!
Firstly I sent off my first exam paper for my Interior Design course so fingers crossed I should hear back in a few weeks to see how I’ve done! Oooh it’s like being at school again I love it. I’m approaching 30 weeks on Saturday which is pretty exciting. My mum gave birth to my older brother at 31 weeks and somehow we always seem to share spooky similarities between cycles and events, so I’ll pack my overnight bag for the hospital soon just to be safe.
Mums birthday is on the 4th August so I decided to go shopping yesterday by myself… dun dun dunnnnnn! I was woken by a text message from the baby’s father – whom might I add I haven’t seen since we split up in February this year before I found out about Millie- saying he would come and see me at around midday. So we were due to meet in town today and I was a little surprised and happy that we could finally meet up and sort things out about the birth/visits/things left to buy/antenatal classes etc. all the things that send my head in a whirl trying to organise and prepare. We only live about ten minutes from each other and even used to work together but somehow we haven’t crossed paths all year.
So I got up today and made some breakfast, did a few chores, played with my puppy, studied for an hour or so and tried to kill time until lunch when we were supposed to meet. Lunch came…… and passed…..
It reached 3 o’clock and still no word, he didn’t answer my calls. I decided maybe it was best I should eat as there’d be little chance we’d go out for food now. Knowing the shops shut at five o’clock I decided to head into town to go get mums birthday presents and by then hopefully he’d be ready and would return my calls. Perhaps he was running behind.
I got into town and did all my shopping and then some. Shuffling around at 0.5mph! There were road works which delayed me, a massive queue at the petrol station with only one member of staff serving, I had the longest ever carwash to kill time, visited near enough every shop in town, and even drove to the pet store to buy Joey Bone a new dog collar (cornfield blue with little silver bones on it – which he loves!). I stopped in HMV and had a look through all the sale stock and jumbled up CD’s, went and bought some chocolates, a birthday card, and some bathroom accessories. There’s not a lot I didn’t do to kill time really.
But to make things worse, I took a funny turn again and almost fainted in the middle of the shopping centre right in front of the crowds of people. I lost my breath as I was carrying my bags, my legs turned to concrete trying to pull me through the ground and my skin was boiling hot, I felt like I’d been hit in the head. I managed to get to a toilet somehow with my shopping bags in tow and sat on the cubicle floor of all places for ten or so minutes leaning against the door until my head stopped pounding. Thankfully that was enough to fix me and I got up to go sit outside in the fresh air.
It came to five o’clock and all the shops were starting to shut, so I walked my shopping back to the car park and thought I’d try calling him again as one last attempt to salvage the reunion. No answer. I’d put all the baby scan pictures onto a CD for him the day before and had been sure it’d fill him with such pride and excitement that he’s suddenly see the light, I seriously contemplated dropping it round to his house as it was only a minute or so away from where I was parked in my car but then I don’t know why but I changed my mind. I don’t know at quite which point that I felt a fool, but as my throat tightened and my eyes filled with tears I knew that it was time to get home and make some dinner because I didn’t want Millie to go hungry.
I could easily spend the next two months filling this space with colourful expletives to describe my disappointment and frustration but instead I think I’ll go and lose myself in a good book. My antenatal classes start today which I’m very much looking forward to, and mum will be with me all the way through. I can’t begin to explain how much I appreciate the help I have received from my family and feel so blessed to have them. Mum will be with me during labour and will be one of the first people to hold my precious daughter. What a truly cherished, beautiful and once in a lifetime opportunity we’ll share and I’m so glad she is a part of it. xxxxx
Well, until next time, the saga continues!
Hugs and kisses from Tracy, Millie & Joey Bones. xxxxxxx