And finally my darling daughter is here! And it all happened only moments after writing my last blog after the midwife pressed my bump and set me off.
On Friday 5th October 07 I had my check up with the midwife and returned home to tidy up and study for my next exam. The day carried on as usual and I was eager to sort out my paperwork and hospital notes for next week for my due date. I was pretty much non-stop and took Joey out for a walk and made some food etc. etc.
By late afternoon my mum asked how I was feeling and if little Millie was ok, and that’s when I realised. I didn’t know how she was feeling, because I couldn’t feel her! It was horrible as I came to think that I couldn’t remember the last time she kicked me or made a wriggle, she was always so active but that day not once did I remember commenting on her making any movements since first thing in the morning and my appointment with the midwife. I felt awful for not realising sooner, and immediately we telephoned the hospital for advice.
The nurse advised we come to hospital immediately and bring an overnight bag just in case. The whole journey over I felt numb, my throat was choked I could hardly speak worrying that little Millie had stopped breathing inside me. I kept running my fingers up and down my belly to encourage her to move but she wasn’t having any of it. I was beside myself.
Once we got in it was a bit of a flutter what happened next, lots of papers were filled out, questions asked, blood pressure, temperature and examinations taken to make sure the baby was ok. I just lay on the bed unable to move as wires and nurses ran wildly around me.
They bought in a machine and hooked me up to a computer with sensors and bands which were pretty uncomfortable, but the second they switched it on I felt the biggest relief of my life as little Millie’s heartbeat showed to be nice and strong, she was just sleeping.
And then the midwife looked at me as I sat smiling at my mum feeling silly for panicking so much, and she asked if I was feeling ok and I said I was fine and just a little shaken; and then she told me I was in labour and I had never felt a thing, but the needle on the machine was going crazy marking the peaks of each contraction, and when they examined me they said I was 4cm dilated and on my way. I couldn’t believe it, it was a week early. I took the opportunity to call my best friend Laura and naively brag about how easy labour was and how I’d call her back in an hour or so to tell her times and weights and gradually friends and family filled my phone with messages of encouragement and I felt very special and lucky and excited.
Everything from there was a bit of a blur once my contractions grew stronger and I realised the difference between the start and end of labour and eventually my energy started to slowly drain away. It was now the early hours of Saturday morning and I’d been up for forty-eight hours and the contractions had lasted until almost 3pm that afternoon. In all I had twenty seven hours of labouring which was towards the end a little uncomfortable and I could hardly keep my eyes open aside from when each wave of pain came and forced me out of my daze before subsiding again.
After walking up and down the stairs in the hospital corridor a few times I finally prepared to give birth when I reached the golden 10cm of dilation and my mum was by my side the entire time. I had a shot of pethadine about three hours before I actually gave birth, as I was so weak I could hardly move for pain and they didn’t think I’d manage labour unless I could rest between contractions. But unfortunately that meant that by the time I was ready to try and push the pain relief had worn off and there wasn’t time to have another injection that would take effect quickly enough. I soon became acquainted with the gas and air machine; at one point I bit it so hard the mouthpiece came off and I was resting on all fours breathing heavily through a disconnected tube that made the noise of an angry mother duck! After being reconnected to the rest of the machine, breathing the gas and air gave me something to focus on as each wave of pain seemed to wash over me and the blood, sweat, tears and screaming soon turned into the beautiful sound of a soft little baby girl gurgling who suddenly I found in my arms, cuddled up to me in a warm blanket. She didn’t cry once, which was more than can be said for her new mummy. It was such an amazing moment to hold her for the first time, everything seemed to stand still, like the whole world had held its breath for a second and I just held my daughter unable to take my eyes off of her. I was smiling and crying and laughing and sobbing all at once. I didn’t feel any pain, I don’t remember anyone speaking, I just sat and held my wonderful daughter and watched as she pursed her lips and let out a little sigh. Welcome to the world my little angel.
Shortly after, my mum was asked to cut the cord and I watched from the bed as Millie was weighed, cleaned and checked over. As I waited for the rest of labour Millie was given a vitamin-K injection and never even made a whimper, she was such a little star.
The three people in the room that helped to deliver Millie were amazing, the midwife, my mum and a young student that was in training from a University. I couldn’t have asked for a better experience of child birth, they all kept me laughing with jokes throughout, told me everything that was going on and what would happen next, and even helped me to shower after the birth. I remember trying to stand and feeling like Bambi. It was the worst pain and complete weakness that I’ve ever felt but the outcome was so overwhelming, the biggest reward of all and I’d do it all over again in a heartbeat. I feel truly blessed to have my little Millie.
I was put into a wheelchair and taken to the ward where all the new mothers rested with their babies. As they helped me into bed, I remember my mum sitting by my side and stroking my hair, and looking over to see Millie sleeping in her crib beside me, and then I slipped into the sweetest and nicest sleep in the world. I’m not sure how the time went, but when I came round the lights were off and babies everywhere were screaming. I looked over at Millie and she was sleeping peacefully. A nurse came over and offered me some pain relief but I told her I felt fine and didn’t need it. As I looked over to the cot beside me I saw Millie had woken and had such gorgeous big blue eyes looking up at the flowers by my bedside. The nurse asked me if I planned to breastfeed and I said yes, so she sat me down and explained that it isn’t always easy and can take a while to get used to as not all babies take to it but I shouldn’t worry as perseverance is the best way; I held Millie in my arms hesitantly, but immediately she knew what to do and when she was full she slept in my arms and I felt the most amazing contentment and love that I couldn’t possibly compare to anything else in life.
The poor girls around me were up most of the night for feeding and changing, I didn’t manage to sleep after that as the ward was so hot and all the lights and noises were a distraction from my normal routine of sleeping in the pitch black with the window open. I think the fact I couldn’t take my eyes off of Millie might have contributed to my lack of sleep, she smelt so sweet like a new baby, and watching her little mouth as she breathed in and out, her tiny eyelashes fluttering as she struggled to stay awake, and her little delicate hand that she placed inside mine as she slipped off to sleep. I’ve never felt so happy in my life. I could lay watching her forever and a day!
First thing in the morning the nurses came to check on me and ask if Millie was ok. I worry so much I must’ve blurted out a thousand questions at once. Had I fed her enough? Was she getting any milk? When should I change her? Does she need winding? Is she too hot? Was I supporting her head properly? And the nurses just laughed, they said she’d cry if she was hungry or needed changing, and Id soon see if she was in pain or discomfort from her face. She was a little angel and slept right through the night, she didn’t whimper once, and she sat peacefully in her crib looking at the colours of the flowers, teddies and cards around her. I couldn’t believe how easy it all was.
When I went to collect my breakfast I bumped into the other girls, their curtains around the bed had all being closed as they were up all night running after their upset babies. They asked me how many times Id changed and fed, and how I stopped her crying and were shocked when I said she hadn’t cried, and I hadn’t changed her yet and she breast fed first time. So when I returned with my tray of food I decided to check her nappy, and what a little sweetheart, she’d kept it all stored up and didn’t even complain, so I popped a fresh nappy on and she gave me a cheeky wink and then fell back to sleep.
I had my breakfast, read a magazine and sneakily took out my phone and sent a few txts to friends and family to tell them all had gone well.
The midwife came to help me give Millie her bath I beamed with glee as she cheerfully kicked her legs and absolutely loved the water. When she was all clean and I took her out and dressed her which took about half an hour as I was so nervous about not wanting to hurt her, it was lovely to have her in her baby grow and blanket and to give her a nice big cuddle as she smiled up, my little bundle of love.
Various people popped to see me and check Millie over and fill out paperwork, and before I knew it we were able to come home. And she’s been a little angel ever since. I could not have dreamed or wished for such a well behaved baby, I’ve had no sleepless nights, little pain and discomfort, and such a wonderful gift of the most precious daughter in the world.
When I was pregnant I used to joke with my parents I’d borrow them and they’d be on nappy changing duties or I’d make up bottles for them to help with feeds, but I’ve not needed anyone to do a thing. Millie is so sweet and content she makes no fuss at all. She has a little whimper when she needs a feed or change otherwise it’s all smiles and cuddles. She slept all through the night again last night, had a bath when we got up at about 9:30 and I fed and dressed her, then I made breakfast for my family, and we’ve been opening cards and sorting out toys for the rest of the afternoon.
As I’m writing this she’s laid in her crib bedside me kicking her legs at a little pink pig mobile above her, all cosied up in her little pink baby grow and blanket.
I’ll be taking her out in the pram shortly for her first ever walk outside before all of the visitors arrive, and family and friends come to see my new little bundle of joy xx
I truly feel like the luckiest girl in the world right now to have such a beautiful daughter and wonderful mum. I couldn’t be happier if I tried xXx
Kisses from Tracy & Millie Xxxx
And that will do you all for now as I want another cuddle from my princess xxx
Toodles for now xXxXXXxxXXX